Weight watchers dropout

     As much as I don't think I can really afford to go back to weight watchers I am really leaning towards it. I have a little money saved up from babysitting jobs that will pay for 3-4 months that I might use to pay in advance. 

   As I look back at my past year of weight stagnation I have come to realize that what I am doing right now isn't working. I am not able to hold myself accountable, it is just too easy to say screw it I'll cut back somewhere else. 

    My feelings of reservation about going back to weight watchers are mostly about my mental health. Let me explain, when I am doing weight watchers I get a  little obsessed with numbers. I am always thinking about what I can and cannot afford to eat points wise. I am constantly looking for the lowest point items to eat rather than enjoying what I eat. 

      Also I have to figure out when I can go to meetings, and worst of all I have to face the weight watchers people after dropping out for like the 3rd time. I almost feel like they are going to say "see I told you, you can't do it without us" or "maybe you should stick around this time". I know it's silly but it is a worry that I have. I'll probably at least get the look, if not the words. As I write that I realize just how self centered it sounds :P  

Perhaps that best plan is to try to do ww at home for a week or two and then sign up. Oh I wonder when the free registration starts up again? Wouldn't that be convenient? 

Out of Town

Ahh it is lovely to be back home. We got back last night and I got right back into routine. I ran last night and walked today so I am feeling pretty on track. I didn't eat too much while away and Thanksgiving has never been too big of a problem for me. I probably had a couple too many sweets but besides that not too bad at all. 

On another note as much as I love the holidays I feel like it is really crunch time. I have finals to worry about, travel for Christmas, money of course, my rent went up, and to top it off my job. I am currently in a grant funded position that ends at the end of December unless it is renewed. With the current financial issues in the university  and beyond I am not all that sure it will happen which will leave me jobless at the worst time of year. I love my job (preschool teacher) and that is why I will wait it out to hope for the best. I suppose all of this simply equals STRESS. 

One thing I will not stress about is my diet/exercise because I CAN control that; unlike much that is listed above. I will plan my food, saving time and money by purchasing only what I need to make the meals planned. I will use my running as stress relief/me time. 

I am going to focus on planning my time for EVERYTHING from shopping to school to meals and of course exercise. Here we go....bring it on December.

Nice relaxing day...and a run to boot.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed.Then when I walked int o my living room I was surprised to see that my lovely husband had gone out this morning while I was sleeping and bought me flowers!

I spent my day hanging out at home mostly then a quick trip for produce at Whole Foods. Then I did my run.

I just ran week2 run2 of the couch to 5k program on my treadmill. When I say just I mean that I can still feel the post workout buzz. If anything I wish I could bottle this feeling because it is so many things in one. I feel stronger, leaner, awake, determined, healthier, and like my body is abuzz with life. I know that I have chosen to do at least one positive thing for myself today and that is a step in the right direction. Yay! 

So the treadmill is put together but I haven't had a chance to use it yet due to my late arrival home today. I did put the pup on it and I think he might actually learn to enjoy it himself! He's a little guy and we had to bribe him with some treats but eventually I think we will be able to get him on there without them so much. This treadmill is going to whip us all into shape!! 

Guess who is getting ready to put together her new treadmill??? ME!! Yay!

Wow another rough day. I went to talk to my prof about some issues I have been having in class and had a total melt down..in his office..uncontrollable sobbing. It was horrible. I guess I have been holding way too much stress in this semester and it finally erupted. I got myself together my prof was really understanding and we finished our chat. I felt better when I left but then proceeded to get into my car a cry for the 30 minute drive. I feel so drained. 

I think that I left the meeting with some good ideas and I feel better about the situation. I feel like I can make a better plan. 

It was kind of funny though when I was done crying all I could think about was how it would feel good to go for a run and clear my head. That has got to be a good sign. Due to certain circumstances I was unable to go for the run but I feel good that I turned to running as opposed to food. Normally I would hit a drivethru of some sort and pretend that it would make me feel better. Yay that my friend is called progress. 

I have been avoiding setting up any sort of dietary plan because my mind has just been so occupied by school. I feel like I am cheating myself by not watching what I eat but I have also noticed that I don't snack as much when I am not focused on diet diet diet. Its such a catch22 for me. I think that I will try to find the time to make a loose plan for lunches and dinners and see how that works. I am tired of diets I just really want to focus on making healthy choices. 

Ah now for some mindless tv and sleep. 

Long Day. Didn't run today but hope to do it tomorrow night.  I'll rephrase that -I will run tomorrow. 

My stomach has been flip flopping all day. I am having a hard time this semester, my classes are really tough. The 3 night classes are so hard on my life schedule I feel like the week flies by and I realize that I have done nothing but work and go to classes. It sounds good except I have so much work to do that I am always behind by the time the weekend comes around! Oh well, some day I will be done and it will all be worth it. 

Well I'm pretty sure the bathtub is calling my name...yep I hear it. 

It's going to be a long day..

I got up early this morning, got dressed in my fancy teacher clothes, and headed out the door to my placement (4th grade). The wind is whipping my cheeks, leaves are blowing everywhere, but I finally got the the school, pulled on the door....nothing. It wouldn't budge. School is closed today for Veteran's Day. Ok this may seem obvious to most people but since the college was open I assumed that public schools were open too. Oh man. I could have slept in. 

Totally Unrelated Post

SO this post is absolutely unrelated to weight loss but I wanted to share my little craft project I created. When I got married we chose to put these little metal flowers on top of our cake and I loved them. As I was digging out some decorations I found them sitting my my container looking so sad and hidden away. So I took them out and decided that I needed to see them more often. I came up with the idea to turn them into Christmas ornaments!! SO I twisted the metal and put some together and hooked some ribbon to hang them by. So enjoy, steal the idea, and leave lots of lovely comments!!

Connections

As a few of you might know I am in college working on my degree in psychology and also in a teaching program in order to get my masters in teaching. In one of my classes this past week the prof said something that really hit home on multiple levels. 

He Said: When you reward reading with a pizza party where are you placing the value?

Basically instead of teaching our children that reading is valuable we are teaching them that if you get through this terrible, borring, horrible thing that we call reading then you can have this wonderful thing we call pizza (candy, toys, playtime). Why don't we reward reading with books?

Ok so this is a weight loss blog (kind of) and so I will make the connection in case that doesn't make sense. When I started running I thought that I would reward myself with things like books, makeup, or manicures. So I was turning running into the bad part and placing the value on the things. The truth is that I should place the value on the act of running. The clarity of my mind, the energy I feel after, and the way my body feels stronger after a run. So think about your life and your children..where are you placing the values?

Mental Health day

So I didn't go to my first class today and also didn't go to work for my 2 hour shift. I needed a mental health day quite badly. I woke up feeling a little foggy. I have an exam today at 2:45 and my weekend was so packed that I haven't given the material the time I need to. 

I fully expected to wake up this morning in pain after my extended run last night but my muscles felt great. I always make sure to do the cool down walk and to not stop moving for a little while after I get home. I look crazy bouncing my legs etc but it is worth it. So I'm good. I can't wait to run on Wednesday. I have never made past week two so this is very exciting for me. 

Week 2

SO as I headed out of my apartment building tonight for my last run of c25k week 1 I realized that for some reason week one had disappeared from my ipod. Bummer. So I gave up and headed back inside and ate a bag of hershey kisses. NOT although in the past it probably would have happened. 

Instead I said screw it I will just do my best and try week two. drum roll please.....yeah I did it. I ran all the runs and man am I proud. It was a definite push for me to do the longer running intervals but I completed every single one. So I guess I am on to week 2 run 2 on Wednesday Yay!

It's raining, it's pouring....

It has been raining the past two days so I haven't run but soon that won't be a problem!! I am so excited about getting my treadmill, I really feel like this is going to make a huge change in my life. There have been many many times that I have wanted to go for a walk or run but couldn't because of having no time to go to the gym, gyms closed, its snowing, raining, I dont want to get all dressed and made up to go for a walk. 

Im sure to many people this probably seems silly, to think that a treadmill is the answer to all my exercise problems but it will really mean the world to me. 

Beyond what it is going to do for me there is actually an even better reason to get the treadmill. My husband. He hates working out especially in public. I just know that he will use the treadmill which make me happy. He doesn't need to lose any weight but heart disease runs in his family and his lack of activity worries me a lot. I really just want him to be healthy. 

Soo Excited!!!

I have been wanting a treadmill for as long as I can remember and finally I have one. Well it's on it's way, I just ordered it tonight. I figured that it would be a long time before I could get enough money together to afford one but lucky me I found a decent one at good old Walmart. I'm sure it won't last me 10 years but for now it is worth it. It was $398 and they will ship right to my house so thats nice. It folds up so it will be easy to fit in our apartment. 

I cannot wait to be able to run at home. For all those who don't know I live in Maine which basically means cold. I was planning on getting a gym membership for the winter but then I realized that for $400 I could have the luxury of working out at home saving time, money, and the discomfort of feeling self conscious while working which as you all know is basically Priceless. 

Yay soo excited!!

I didn't run this morning

BUT I did run tonight. I stayed up a little too late last night because well I wanted to hear Obama speak so that I could really believe that this is really  happening. What an amazing night and I was a part of it. I really felt that I was a part of history by voting in this election and I could not be more proud. I couldn't sleep and was up til around 3am. 

So when my alarm went off this morning I was like oh hell no and I decided that it would be best to get the extra hour of sleep. So I was in class until 8 and then came hour relaxed for about  20 minutes and then slipped on my running gear and did Week one Run 2 woo. I am really proud of myself to have made the choice to make running today a priority even though it was later in the day I was dedicated to get it in. 

food

I've decided that I am not going to do an eating plan officially but I am going to log everything I eat into calorie counter. This way I will be able to see why or why not I lose weight. I am being accountable for what I eat but not obsessing about it. We will see how it works for a week or two and go from there. 

I did it!

I did it I got up at 7, put on my running shoes and out the door I went.  Week one Day on done. My feet hurt though is that normal? I went and spent the big bucks on my shoes but the outer portion of my foot is still achey towards the middle of my run. I think I will go back to the shoe store and see if I need a wider shoe or something. We will see what they say, if they can't exchange them for something that will work better then I will just stick with the shoes that I had previously. 

Please note that even if I have to deal with the pain I want to keep running because maybe I just need to break them in (my feet or shoes). Has anyone else had this problem?

New Shoes!

So I did it, I bought the new shoes and I'm not going to lie I had mixed feelings. I was horrified to spend that much money on a pair of shoes but also excited to know that I took the step towards something better for myself. 

At first I didn't like the shoes themselves I thought that they were a little boring but I have to say they are growing on me. I also loved the slogan on the side of the box that said "Run Happy" which is what I hope to do.  So with all that said tomorrow morning will mark day one of my running adventure. 

I also built in a little don't give up deal with my husband. If I don't run on one of my days I have to do the dishes that night (I hate doing the dishes the most of all the chores) But if I do (which I will) run on all three of my days then my husband has to rub my feet on Friday!! Yayy.

Growing up in a large family has clearly affected my eating ways. Growing up it was always a situation of if you don't eat it right away then you aren't getting any. Once I started having my own money I would buy food and hide it in my room. I am not talking about just candy but stupid things like cup of noodles, bags of chips, or fruit snacks. 

Please understand that I never went to bed hungry or opened an empty cupboard. It was simply a situation that all the special things like cookies would disappear the second they were opened and getting seconds at dinner was an eating race. 

When ever my husband and I eat pizza its like being at home all over again. I know that I don't need to eat half the pizza but I feel like if I don't then I wont get my fair share. What an awful feeling. I'm not going to lie I feel this way when I serve food at dinner I make sure that our food is equal even though I end up giving him half of what I take.  

Also my husband knows that when I say don't eat that it's mine that I am not kidding. Sometimes I think that its the same situation as it was at home because he will sit down with a box or bag of anything and just eat the whole thing. It drives me crazy to the point that I always say to him "Don't eat all of it" and he says I won't.  

I feel awful that I have such a possessive feeling towards food. It makes me mad at myself. NOt to mention that when I am on a specific diet it is even worse because I have to have the certain foods available for my lunches etc. I can't just go to the drive thru. 

I really wish I could just let go of all my food issues but I'm not sure if I ever will. My hope is that by blogging or saying it out loud I will be able to be more conscious of my feelings/actions.

Just another way my family screwed me up ...could be worse, trust me I know. 

It's November....

The days are getting shorter and the weather is getting fierce, but so am I....well the fierce part not the shorter part ;) Anyways at a time of year that is usually conducive to eating hearty meals, baking, and stress I am making some changes.  

The last couple of years I did the weight watchers thing but it made me crazy and I would just give up. This year I am going to try to conquer the winter/holiday months from a slightly different angle. 

-To start I will be getting more activity through running. I will set my goals in miles not points. 

-I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the family so I am in control

-I am focusing on the quality of the food I eat and why I am eating

-I am going to try to keep up on my blogging and will hopefully be able to report some goals being met. 

QUESTION

So I will be doing the couch to 5k program which has me run 3 days a week, MWF if you are wondering. I was hoping to do some sort of activity on a couple of the days in between runs but I am not sure what. 

Most activity that I usually do is pretty leg oriented (exercise bike, most videos) and I want to make sure that I am not going to burn out my legs so that I can't run. 

I thought maybe I could just run but I think that if I don't do something on my off days then I will more likely get unmotivated and give up all together. Or maybe if I just focus on the running part then I wont overwhelm myself? So I'm not really sure, maybe yoga? I've never tried yoga and would need a really "for dummies" type of video so if you have any suggestions let me know.