looking up

Well things are looking up, I just booked a long term sub job (3 weeks) and found out that the teacher is leaving so there will be a job opening. Oh I can only dream!! I am dying to have my own classroom. I am trying to not get my hopes up because I am sure that there will be a ton of applicants. It is such a great school, I love it.

I am so glad to have confirmed 3 weeks of work!

I feel....ew.

I'm feeling really crappy, constantly exhausted. I hate it but i know it is because I haven't been taking care of myself. I should be eating better and I need to get some activity in. I spend too many hours on the couch. It is amazing how little I actually move when I am not working. I suppose then it isn't surprising that I feel like the walking dead at the end of a day of teaching. I drink diet coke, coffee, and No water. I eat out of a box and rarely see a vegatable. This is not okay.

still commited.

I still haven't weighed in this month and I am starting to feel some real anxiety about it. I'm not eating well and I am not doing much in the form of exercise. I am hoping that the damage isn't too bad. I think I am going to start counting my calories again if only to be concious of what I am eating. I bought horrible groceries this week, total junk. I should know better. I am not even enjoying it. I feel so dumb because I know better but chose to eat poorly.

I have made it 23 days without weighing in. I do feel like I have proven my commitment however I am not so sure it is in the best interest not to weigh in. 8 more days.

I really want to start eating more cleanly but I am just not sure how to do that on such a tight budget. Small changes I suppose.

Gotta know

I really want to weigh in but I won't. I am feeling quite huge to be honest. I have been feeling really out of control lately, not food wise, but in general. We are living in our first house, heading into our first winter and there is a lot of stress not knowing how much heat is going to cost. My substitute teaching job is uncertain, I don't get a set amount of hours.

SO far I have been working pretty consistantly and I am thankful for that. I have applied to several evening/part time jobs that I could work in addition but no call backs yet. I think that my year off for the internship is hurting my chances, not to mention that I have a lot of education, meaning they know I am not sticking around. I find myself dumbing down my resume to try and get something. Ahh the uncertainty, it is getting to me.

And now

Well now I am doing okay. I am still getting up relativly early and definitely earlier than I was. I haven't weighed in so I am sticking to that goal. I worked 4 days last week so I was pretty busy and my house is a mess. It is a 3 day weekend, and I have already booked 3 sub days for next week.

Friday I am working a full day and then jumping in the car to drive to Portland, which is about 3 hours away. I am getting to see my bff who is up visiting from Florida for the night. We are planning a night out, loads of margaritas I'm sure. I also have a baby shower on Saturday afternoon which I will hit on my way back home.

I am feeling really uncomfortable in my body lately and I am nervous about dressing to go out Friday night. My jeans are just not fitting well, muffintop city. Well I guess I have a week to do some damage control. I've seen a lot of pictures of myself lately that have really made me feel super disapointed. It is amazing how you can think you look good or okay but then a picture shows your real size and it is really a shock. I am starting to feel constant worry that people will ask if I am pregnant, I hate the way I carry my weight. It just makes me feel on edge, I feel nervous going places that I know I will see a lot of new people because they may assume I am pregnant. It really is a body type curse, yes I am lucky to have thinner limbs but I have to worry about this.

Okay whinning over, whats the plan? Unfortunatly I don't know.

early riser

Well I subbed today and booked another sub job for tomorrow. So I guess I will be up early again! I will be working with the same students again tomorrow which is always nice. I am working as an ed tech with a couple of mildly autistic children. It is really challenging and exhausting but not too bad. I really need to make one change though...but it is really causing me some anxiety. I need to take the step and eat in the teacher's room. Ahh I hate the teacher's room, but I need to make as many contacts as possible. We will see if I make it tomorrow.

Up!

Just checking in again, got a sub call this morning (6:15am) so I am up. Boy is it cold this morning, 59 degrees IN the house, 38 outside brrrr. I got right out of bed and threw on sweats so it wasn't too much of a shock ; )

I am very glad for the extra day of work/pay but geez Mondays! I feel like Garfield. I am feeling okay being up early this morning, I went to be early last night around 9, asleep around 10. My first thought when the phone rang this morning was F!*K but really its not so bad. I had waking up early but once I am out of bed I am fine.

Well off to get ready for the day. Have a good one!

early start

Up at 8 am on a Sunday...just saying ; )

Commitment issues for sure

so yesterday I got up early and went to work. SO day one went well. Today, not so much. I was up at 9. So I guess I will say today didn't work so well. I am not giving up and I will be trying to keep getting up earlier especially on weekdays.

Since getting up early isn't really a locked in same time everyday goal I am going to add another month long goal. Weighing in. I will not weigh in again until November and just focus on being healthier. I weighed in this morning at 187.2. So we will see what I can do by November.

Decisions

So I have decided that my October goal is to get up early everyday. I have settled on 6 am, So I will work up to it. My plan is to start out the first 3 days at 6:30 and then go to 6 am.

As some of you might remember I am currently a substitute teacher which means most days I have no idea if I will work or not. I get a phone call at 6:30 to find out if I work that day. Luckily the main school I am working at is a 7 minute drive away. The way things have gone is that I wake up at six anticipating the call anyways waiting to see if I go into work or back to sleep. That is a half an hour of stress in the morning that I will be avoiding by already being up at 6 and starting my day.

Of course the biggest struggles will be the weekends and the fact that it will be cold and dark in the mornings now. In the end I think this will be beneficial to me in many ways. I will have a less stressful start to my day, eat a good breakfast, and have extra time to get things done, and maybe even work out. Plus we will have kids in the future and I might as well be used to early mornings!

I m challenging myself to stick this out for a month. Sure there will probably be some days that I fail but overall I want to make this a life habit. I think a month is a good trial to see if it is for me. If at the end of the month I decide I am just not an early riser the I will stop. The real challenge is not getting up early but rather sticking to the commitment of getting up early for a month.