2011

I have so many goals and just basic things I want to accomplish this year. Few are actually weight related which makes me happy. My long term goals will not be about losing weight, that is really short term material. Saying I want to lose 50lbs this year is not reasonable, saying I will track for a week is.

So although this is a weight loss blog I want to put some of the more life centered goals out there too. - I want to get my house more finished, I am tired of feeling pulled down by all of the house to dos. This spring we will pull down all of the cracked plasterboard upstairs and reinsulate, redrywall, and put down new carpet. We will restructure our stairs so that they are not so steep and shallow.

Now in connection to the house changes, we are going to be preparing for another big change. We are planning on getting pregnant this summer. Well I am getting pregnant lol. Hopefully we will be successful this summer! If all works out right, I will have my 3 months family medical leave (unpaid) and the summer off with a new baby. But I know that things don't always go as planned but I can hope.

I really would like to get healthy before I get pregnant though I know that it will only help me out! So I have 2 more month of weight watchers online to get me going. Running has been put on hold through the holidays but I am going to get back on the horse this week. If not today then tomorrow. I am not feeling great this morning so we will see how I feel this afternoon.

So confusing, a holiday of loss.

A .5 lb loss that is. I don't know how it is possible but I lost weight over Christmas. What make this more confusing is that I did not track, exercise, or eat well. I know I should be happy and just move on but this bothers me because in a tracking week I lose the same. Does it mean that I am not eating enough fat in my regular diet or that I need to eat all of my weekly points? Does it mean that running is making we weigh in more for some reason? Am I eating too much fruit? Yeah that one really worries me.

Who knows for now I am just trying to get on track and count points. I am thinking that having one high point day a week is probably a good idea for my metabolism, just to keep out of a rut. I am trying to get back in the swing of things. Wish me luck!

Fix it Quick!

I can feel my motivation slipping and many things are playing into it. Firstly, I am home on school break and that kills my eating patterns. Secondly, I only lost 1/2 lb this week when I thought it was going to be more. Thirdly Christmas is around the corner and that means food, food, food. I have been half ass tracking. You know that tracking where you say ok I used about 33 points and so you post food, 33 points. Not itemizing like you are supposed to. Its actually kind of funny since I have more spare time to track since I am not working. At one point I thought "well I will just not do ww this week and get back on track next week. Not a good idea.

So I need to address my issues now before I lose it. SO Firstly, I need to set an eating schedule in my day. I will eat breakfast when I get up, Lunch at 12 and dinner. My plan is to try to stick to fruit as snacks as much as possible. Secondly, I will focus on how I feel not how much I lost. Thirdly, I will focus on tracking each food and not doing bulk numbers. Fourthly, I will keep up with my running schedule.

I will say I had success at the grocery store yesterday. I really wanted to buy come potato chips and reached for them multiple times but then I put them back. You see, I know that if they are not in my house then I cannot eat them and if they are in my house then I will absolutely eat them. Instead I bought some delicious oranges.

I also make cookies last night. It is a recipe that I love for pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. They are 2 points according to the recipe builder. I decided to try a new substitution and traded the 1/2 cup of oil for a 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce. They turned out GREAT! It dropped the points to 1 per cookies, a points+ steal!

I have also really made an attempt to clean up/organize the house. It makes a huge difference in my stress level, having a clean house. Plans for the rest of the day include picking up the ingredients for my famous pulled pork and coleslaw that I am bringing to the family Christmas party, finish laundry, and run. WIsh me luck!

Baby loss

I only lost .2 this week which was a big surprise for me since I had 13 weekly and 11 activity left over. I spent my week dodging treats and choosing fruit but all I got was a .2 loss. What a bummer. I find that after I run I have a little bit of water retention and I ran yesterday. I am hoping to see a better loss next week. I am not going to lie I am a little disappointed since I really counted and weighed my foods.

This week is Christmas, full of celebrations and food. I am not freaking out because really it is just one day mainly that I need to worry about. Since I had a small loss this week I was hoping for a bigger loss next week but the more I think about it I realize a true goal would be to maintain. I am going to enjoy some food and keep my goal in mind. Lucky for me I don't drink much. I do have a dinner on Tuesday with my best friend who is up from Florida and her little sister who just turned 21.

So I hope you all enjoy your holiday and here is to maintaining.

wk2 run2

Week 2 run 2 of couch to 5k is done today. I always fight myself to run but once I start I love it. It is so challenging. I just love the way I feel when I am finished a running interval. Strong. But it has been a very long day so now I am exhausted and ready for bed!

Great day

I spent my morning getting family pictures done with my husband's side of the family. It was our first group picture together. It was his brother's family (wife and 2 boys) and his sister's family (fiancee and baby girl), my husband and I. The kiddos are really little so it was quite an ordeal to get smiles and no blinking eyes. In the end we got a pretty good shot of the group and one of each family to put in a frame for my inlaws as a Christmas present.

I had a great day today food/exercise wise. I ate within my points and did my run 1 week 2 of couch to 5k. It was a challenge but I think I can do it this time. I really didn't want to run, I was feeling really exhausted. I decided to get my running clothes on, even my sneakers and see if it would motivate me to just do it. And it worked. It is so funny that once you get dressed and moving it is easy to decide to keep going.

It is the week before Christmas break for our school. So it should be 5 days of hell lol. Kids will be crazy and out of sorts, especially since I work in the special education room. Change is really hard for my students. Wish me luck!

Sticking with it.

So I officially decided to stick with weight watchers online. I signed up for the 3 month online package. My husband said he was okay with budgeting it in as long as I will use it, so use it I must!

to pay or not to pay

I am feeling really torn today. Weight watchers is working for me again, first week (actually 5days) loss 2 lbs. I am feeling good. Now my free trial is up today and I have to decide if I should pay the $65 for 3 months, $17.95 each month after. The $17.95 doesn't bother me it is the start up fee that does. I mean we have to be tight with our money and $65 upfront is a lot right now. I know I could just follow the plan on my own but that never works for me. For some reason having to log into the website works for me.

My other worry is that I have always lost that desire to do ww after a month or so. Then it is wasted money. I have spent so much on ww in the past, it kills me. I hate that I feel the need to pay for something I could in theory do on my own. But then I think if it will work then I should keep it up, right? Nothing else seemed to be working before this. I just do not want to lose momentum.

Oh and did I mention that the school forgot to send in my time sheets? yeah no pay check for me yesterday and since it was Friday there was nothing they could do until Monday.

Well I will let you know what I decide, I really do like the new ww plan though!

0points

I am really understanding the science behind the 0 point fruits in the new weight watchers plan. I have never been a big fan or carrots or celery or really any on the old 0 point foods from the previous plans as far as snacking goes. I never thought mmm cut up bell peppers, nope. But now that apples and oranges are 0 points I find myself thinking to grab them more often. In those moments of snacking hunger I choose the zero point fruit becuase it is "free" as opposed to before when it cost me a point and I could eat something else for that point like a mini peppermint pattie or a blowpop.

I am liking it. I am liking the new plan so far. My free trial week is up tomorrow and I cannot decide if I should pay for it. Even the online costs are high the first months with the sign up fee. I wish I knew when the next free sign up was, then maybe I could wait it out. Anyone have an inside tips on when that is happening again?

I did it again

I got quite a workout today. I did two 1/2 hour bouts of shoveling snow and ice off of my driveway AND I ran run2 week 1 of couch to 5k. SO far soo good! I do really love running, yes it is really hard but man it feels good. You feel the workout all over your body. It is so nice to be able to hop on the treadmill and not worry about bothering the neighbors downstairs! Now that we have a hours it is not a problem!!


One problem I am having is that I am drinking more water and getting really bad heartburn! Ah I hate it. DOes anyone else get heartburn from water?

Eating is going well, so far the only real difference I see is that I am more apt to eat my fruit since it is zero points. I also think that since we are being more frugal and not eating out that weight watchers/eating better is a little easier. It really is just about keeping a balance in what I eat and keeping track of what I eat.

I just found out that we are doing a surprise family picture as a gift to my inlaws on Sunday. I don't know about you but I find that the first place I gain and lose weight is in my face. So I am really trying to eat well and stay focused so that my face can look as trim as possible in the pictures! Wish me luck!!

I did something

I ran tonight for the first time in probably a year. Well I walked/ran week 1 of couch to 5k. Feeling good.

Backtracking

I just went back and reread old post from when I was losing weight and running and I came acrossed this post Does it look familiar. Yes I just made the same goal (lose 10lbs by Christmas) Guess what I didn't make it then and I prob won't make it this year either. Number goals never work for me! Too much pressure and focus on a certain number!

I did however get a little bit of motivation and desire to run again. I did so well last year I need to get back there! Also I signed up for a 7 day trial of the new weight watchers program so I can see if it is for me. I'll let you know what I think.

New strategy

Somedays I just wish someone would just look at me and say "get on the treadmill fatass!" No I am not a negative self talker, I actually love myself a lot even though I know I am very overweight. SOmetimes I look in the mirror with a well stratagized outfit and think "hey I'm not even that big" but it is all lights and mirrors. I am big, I see it in photos, wrong angles, and the muffin top billowing over my pants. I am overweight that is a fact, well obese according to the BMI charts.

In the past I have made tons of goals, most that I bailed on but some that I stayed with. I usually made big goals that were really hard to obtain, others I simply forgot to do. I think that the times they worked I had only 1 goal or maybe two tops that allowed me to focus.

I get overwhelmed very easily by my surroundings, when my homes is disorganized I feel a constant state of low level anxiety and I just cannot relax. Unfortunately, I am not a big cleaner, I hate it actually. I really am a lazy creature. The first step in turning things around will be cleaning up the house, organizing, decluttering, and maintaining. So I am turning off my computer and making a cleaning list. Laundry is already started and my bedroom will be the first room on the list.

Perhaps I just need to declutter my head in order to focus on my weightloss. Well it is worth a try!

Trying to stop whining.

I have realized that I tend to avoid blogging because I hate writing whiny, self pity posts. But lately thats all I have been feeling and thinking. I am mad at myself. So I am trying to get to a place where I can be more positive. Trying trying trying.

Hopefully I will be there soon.

feeling sad.

I feel like I am letting myself down. I keep waiting for something to motivate me, something to change the way I think and feel. I feel so unhappy with myself, constantly uncomfortable in my body. I hate that. I just want to go back to a time when I felt okay getting dressed instead of feeling defeated and thinking " its as good as it is going to get". Nothing fits, it is all about damage control and hiding. I want to feel good in my body, not constantly wanting to hide.

The hiding of my body goes hand in hand with the feeling of depression that is creeping up on me. I could blame the weather, lack of light, missing my friends but truthfully it all stems from my discomfort in my body. I constantly fear someone will ask if I am pregnant from the way my stomach protrudes. I feel lazy and lackluster. I feel sad.

I know what to do but how d I convince myself to do it? How do I get moving? Isn't that the eternal question of the chronic weight loss failure? Yes I feel like a failure. I have no excuse not to change.

I literally dream of being runner. I've tried in the past, I've promised to start again, but I always give up. I usually get to the 3 minute runs in the couch to 5k program and somehow it all drops off, I give up. I want to try again but maybe I am afraid to fail again. HOw do I break through?