What do YOU want for Christmas?

I'm not sure if I have posted this before because I know I have thought about it before, so sorry if this is redundant. 

I've been thinking about Christmas past and how each year when I go home to visit my family my weight fluctuates seriously. For a little background my closest family is 3.5 hours away (in-laws) and 7 hours away (my side). I see my in-laws probably 4-7 times a year and my side maybe 2 -3 times. So when I go home that is how they think of me for the time being. Christmas is the time of year that I see everyone both sides of the family and this year I want to wow them. 

That being said I have about 3.75 months to kick this weight loss situation into gear. This is what I want for Christmas! My holiday goal 20lbs  is and I know that I can do it. That works out to be about 1.25lbs a week. That mean I will need to cut about 4000 cals a week. 

All I want for Christmas is to lose 20lbs, lose 20lbs, lose 20lbs. All I want for Christmas is to lose...............

Weekends are easy.

I know that for a lot of people weekends are a problem and 6 months ago I would have agreed however since I have been on the poor side of life lately I am finding it a lot easier. The key here is that I haven't been able to eat out due to a lack of funds. That is a good thing. Eating at home is more structured and I am in control of how things are made. 

Just a small conclusion that I made and I thought that I would share it. 

How much are you willing to give?

I did the math. If I work out one hour a day I am devoting only 4% of my day to exercise. 4% what is that? It is so tiny compared to the 33% I devote to sleep and the 16% I spend watching tv. This is my health and my life I can give up 4% of my day to keep myself healthy. 

So think of that next time you want to cut your workout short or not do it at all. Is your health worth 4% of your day? 

Back in the Game.

Ok so my head is back in the game. I am trying something new, counting calories. I realize that this isn't something new and I am a definite believer in the idea that weight loss is simply- calories in calories out.

 It's kind of funny though because it is a harder adjustment that counting points. I have been counting points for so long that I just know how many points foods are but not necessarily the calorie count.  I am using calorie king a lot to figure out the calories in things like chicken, fruit, and other foods that might not have the nutrition information on them.  I am aiming for about 1300 calories a day. 

I am also focusing on getting an hour of activity a day (5-6 days a week), whether it is walking, biking, or a dvd workout. I have carved out time in my days between work and classes to allow for it. I am taking Wednesday off due to a packed schedule and Saturday because I am on the run anyways so I probably get more activity on Saturday anyways. 

I have attempted running in the past but it wasn't working out for me so I am going to try some activities that are home based and require no travel time or dress requirements. Eventually I will try again but for now it's not in the cards. 

Here I go again. 

Nutritionist

I am going to visit the campus nutritionist and see what she has to say about my eating habits. Right now I am not trying to keep to any plan, I will decide whether or not to continue with weight watchers after I speak with the nutritionist. 

That being said I am going to keep eating well and focus on my feelings of hunger and fullness. I am going to be active and focus on adapting my healthy habits to my new schedule. BTW my semester just started and 4 days a week I am in class from 4 - 7 or 8:00 at night so I have to fight the urge to run through the drive thru and plan ahead. 

I have said it before and I will say it again I am not giving up on losing weight I am simply figuring out which path will take me where I need to go. 

disappointment.

SO I got my labs back today, I have never been so sad to be normal. Everything came back normal. Now I have no excuses, it is all my own fault that I am a weight loss failure. I must be sabotaging myself somewhere, I don't know. 

I feel that I don't have anywhere to turn anymore. Weight watchers is not working for me and it is all I know. I'm really not sure what I am going to do now but I know I have to do something because not losing weight is not an option.  

I hope that you day was better than mine.

Back to school

It was my first day back to class and already I am feeling the food crunch. After a day of classes it is just so much easier to run through the drivethru and grab something. I am trying to plan and fight it but it is always a challenge especially when dealing with the adjustment of a new schedule.

On a different note I did visit my campus nurse practitioner today and discussed my lack of weight loss progress and so tomorrow I am heading to the lab for some blood work (yuck) I am such a baby when it comes to needles. 

They tried to take blood at the office today but couldn't get a good vein, so off to the phlebotomist I go.  Wish me luck. I am getting thyroid test and a couple of others too, a complete metabolic something or other and a cbc I think. 

The bottom line is that I just want to know what is going on with my body and why it doesn't want me to lose weight and be healthy. So thats the plan Stan. 

I have a full day of work and classes tomorrow in which to squeeze in this bloodwork so hopefully I can get in and get it done so I can get my results by the end of the week. 

Picture time

So I'm getting some pictures done of my husband and I tomorrow. Kinda of like one year late engagement photos or basically just something to replace the wedding photos we weren't that happy with.  I had a bit of a melt down about it though. I couldn't find any shirts that sufficiently hide my muffin top, well I refer to it as my cake top because muffin just doesn't seem to cover it. 

I screamed, cried, and basically went crazy, then I went shopping.

 I finally found something that will do but it made me realize how much simple things in life are made more difficult because of my weight.  I literally dream of the day that I can throw on anything in my closet and feel good about it. I hate my cake top it has got to go. Unfortunitly once again I haven't lost anything this week. 

I am beginning to think that there is something wrong with me. I have heard a lot about hypothyroid issues lately and so I researched it a little bit. I found that I have almost all of the symptoms to some degree, is it wrong that this makes me feel hopeful? Is it wrong that I am hoping that there is something medically wrong with me? I just want some answers to why I cannot seem to lose this weight. 

Friday menus

I had a pretty good Thursday but I have been slacking on my water intake most likely due to the fact that I have been drinking diet coke once again. Ah the dc debate, I stopped drinking it for a couple months but to be honest I didn't lose any weight all I lost was a 0 point indulgence. I missed having my diet coke and so I am just trying to keep it in moderation. 

My activity levels are pretty low but I seem to gain when I work out anyways for some ungodly reason. I am going to try to get the husband out of the house this weekend and hopefully go for a mini hike somewhere. I also am having my pictures taken on Sunday at a local park, on the ocean so I am hoping that I end up looking ok in them. I refuse to wait for things until I am thinner, I have missed out on too much in my life because of that. I will get the pics taken and if I look fat well then I will have that much more motivation hanging on my wall. 

Here's the plan for the evening/tomorrow. 

5pm Ham and cheese sandwich with pickles on the side 6pts

7pm sg free pudding and 100 cal pack- 3pts

sleep in- pancakes for brunch- 5pts

1ish grilled cheese- 5pts 

3pm snack- 2pts

 

Thats 21pts but I will probably add something to dinner to make up the 3pts. 

Food for Friday.

5:30pm boneless chicken breast (sm), corn on the cob, mashed potatoes - 7pts

7pm- 2 sugar free popcicles- 1pt

9:00am cereal - 4pts

noon pasta 7pts

2:00pm 100 cal pack 2pts

 That is 22pts and I'm sure I will fill in the other 2pts somewhere in the day on a snack or coffee. Its a tough day to plan for because I am off from work  due to a staff training day. 

Today's food (th) was ok, I actually ate more for breakfast and less for lunch, I also had 4 sugarfree fudgcicles. I can't get enough of those things but for 2pts it was a simple indulgence. 

Breaking through road blocks.

Do you ever think about what is stopping you from committing to your weight loss? I do. I think about the possibility of extra skin, how much worse my shopping addiction will be, and how it will effect my place in life. 

I think about what I want most in life, to have a happy marriage, to own a home, to be out of debt, and to be thin/healthy.  Why is it the easiest one to obtain is the most difficult. By easy I mean that I am not held back by anything other that my own commitment to the loss.  

I physically CAN eat less and move more. I financially can afford healthy food choices as opposed to a ton of junk and take out. 

I'm not going to lie, this makes me so mad. It is my fault I am the size I am and I can lay blame no where else. I can think in the back of my head that I must have some health issue holding my weight loss back but I know the truth is that the key is to move more/eat less. 

I would never except the excuses that I use from anyone else. 

I am trying to break down the barriers that are stopping me from achieving my goals. I'm trying to work through my negative thoughts and use this blog to my advantage. I know that I can do this, I just need to ask ....what is stopping me?

Dinner out.

I had dinner out with a friend tonight at applebees and I have to admit I did pass on the ww menu because it just seemed kind of crappy choices. I instead chose a chicken bruschetta sandwich with a side salad. It was a higher point choice but I think that it was still better than the usual boneless buffalo wings with ranch.  So alls good in the hood. 

So since posting menus worked so well last week I am going to try it again this week. Obviously still starting at night 5pm which is when I reset my points. 

6:00pm applebees- 16pts

7pm sugarfree fudgcicle (2) 1pt

7:30 bottle of water, apple- 1pt

9:00 cereal 2pts

11:30 smart pop 100 cal 2pts

  cereal 4pts

1:30pm ish 100 cal pack and iced coffee 4pts

30pts total = 6pts over :(  Oh well thats what fp are for. 

Hopefully I can get some activity in, I do have a major paper to work on which will take precedence. 

I feel good...

I'm feeling the "new to weight watchers " feelings lately. I am digging the sense of control and really taking the time to think about whether I am actually hungry or just bored. It's nice. 

Irritated.

So I worked my bum off this week, got in my activity, stayed within my points and drank obscene amounts of water. I lost ...nothing, as a matter of fact I gained 2 lbs. It makes me sad because it makes me think that weight watchers doesn't work for me anymore and in my past it is the only thing that has even remotely worked for me.  

It never gets easier to face a week without a loss or worse with a gain, especially when you try so hard.

Overall I had a good weekend visiting family my eating was within my points, I did use every flex point I had though. So thats the news from this weekend. Now I'm off to make dinner. 

Thursday's plan

5pm Panera- 14pts

9:00 Cereal- 4pts

11:30 Cucumbers and dip- 3pts

    pita with laughing cow 2pts

1:30 Snack 3pts

3:30 Cereal 2pts 

I am leaving town around 4:30pm so I will probably have dinner on the road. I have a challenging weekend away and I know that in the past going out of town was treated as a string of Free days but not this time. I will not ruin this weeks hard work by eating a ton of crap this weekend. 

I will not have internet access while I am away but I may write my food journals and post them after I get home. 

Wed food diary

So I figured that I should adjust my food journal to be more accurate. I reset my point everyday at 5pm because I find it makes it easier to adjust for my day. I think it is easier to skimp on lunch than it is to on dinner. 

5PM applebees, not exactly sure yet probably around 12-15 pts EDIT-> dinner was cancelled

 5PM Spaghetti and bread 8pts

7pm bottle of water

7:30AM- slimfast 3pts

9:00 - special k protein with 1% 2pts

11:30- cukes with dip 3pts

    1 Pita with laughing cow 2pts

1:30 triscuit thins  and fruit 3 pts

This puts me over my points a bit but that is what flex is for.

Water 4 bottles

exercise- bike 45 minutes

As you can see I tend to get in a bit of a routine eating the same foods for a while but eventually something else will catch my eye and it will change. 

So I have been freaking out a little about going to this fair this weekend. I know that I am very likely to order what I always do....a dough boy aka funnel cake with cinnamon and sugar yum! SO I figured it would be best to look up the nutritional information on them.  HAHAHAHA 19 points!!!! Yeah I don't think so. That is like 4 pieces of pizza or a quarter pounder with cheese and a med fry. Soo not worth it.  

SO when I realized that realistically they are not a choice I looked up other fair foods. I decided that I could have a cotton candy AND a candied apple for only 6 points, much better.  I know its a lot of sugar but it is a better choice. 

I'm not going to lie, I will take a bite of the husbands doughboy, and I will undoubtably enjoy it immensely. Wow that is a load off my chest, I am going to be able to have fun and eat yummy things without guilty because I have planned for them. Plus think of all the walking to be done at a fair not to mention chasing around all my little nephews.