Picture time

So I'm getting some pictures done of my husband and I tomorrow. Kinda of like one year late engagement photos or basically just something to replace the wedding photos we weren't that happy with.  I had a bit of a melt down about it though. I couldn't find any shirts that sufficiently hide my muffin top, well I refer to it as my cake top because muffin just doesn't seem to cover it. 

I screamed, cried, and basically went crazy, then I went shopping.

 I finally found something that will do but it made me realize how much simple things in life are made more difficult because of my weight.  I literally dream of the day that I can throw on anything in my closet and feel good about it. I hate my cake top it has got to go. Unfortunitly once again I haven't lost anything this week. 

I am beginning to think that there is something wrong with me. I have heard a lot about hypothyroid issues lately and so I researched it a little bit. I found that I have almost all of the symptoms to some degree, is it wrong that this makes me feel hopeful? Is it wrong that I am hoping that there is something medically wrong with me? I just want some answers to why I cannot seem to lose this weight. 

Friday menus

I had a pretty good Thursday but I have been slacking on my water intake most likely due to the fact that I have been drinking diet coke once again. Ah the dc debate, I stopped drinking it for a couple months but to be honest I didn't lose any weight all I lost was a 0 point indulgence. I missed having my diet coke and so I am just trying to keep it in moderation. 

My activity levels are pretty low but I seem to gain when I work out anyways for some ungodly reason. I am going to try to get the husband out of the house this weekend and hopefully go for a mini hike somewhere. I also am having my pictures taken on Sunday at a local park, on the ocean so I am hoping that I end up looking ok in them. I refuse to wait for things until I am thinner, I have missed out on too much in my life because of that. I will get the pics taken and if I look fat well then I will have that much more motivation hanging on my wall. 

Here's the plan for the evening/tomorrow. 

5pm Ham and cheese sandwich with pickles on the side 6pts

7pm sg free pudding and 100 cal pack- 3pts

sleep in- pancakes for brunch- 5pts

1ish grilled cheese- 5pts 

3pm snack- 2pts

 

Thats 21pts but I will probably add something to dinner to make up the 3pts. 

Food for Friday.

5:30pm boneless chicken breast (sm), corn on the cob, mashed potatoes - 7pts

7pm- 2 sugar free popcicles- 1pt

9:00am cereal - 4pts

noon pasta 7pts

2:00pm 100 cal pack 2pts

 That is 22pts and I'm sure I will fill in the other 2pts somewhere in the day on a snack or coffee. Its a tough day to plan for because I am off from work  due to a staff training day. 

Today's food (th) was ok, I actually ate more for breakfast and less for lunch, I also had 4 sugarfree fudgcicles. I can't get enough of those things but for 2pts it was a simple indulgence. 

Breaking through road blocks.

Do you ever think about what is stopping you from committing to your weight loss? I do. I think about the possibility of extra skin, how much worse my shopping addiction will be, and how it will effect my place in life. 

I think about what I want most in life, to have a happy marriage, to own a home, to be out of debt, and to be thin/healthy.  Why is it the easiest one to obtain is the most difficult. By easy I mean that I am not held back by anything other that my own commitment to the loss.  

I physically CAN eat less and move more. I financially can afford healthy food choices as opposed to a ton of junk and take out. 

I'm not going to lie, this makes me so mad. It is my fault I am the size I am and I can lay blame no where else. I can think in the back of my head that I must have some health issue holding my weight loss back but I know the truth is that the key is to move more/eat less. 

I would never except the excuses that I use from anyone else. 

I am trying to break down the barriers that are stopping me from achieving my goals. I'm trying to work through my negative thoughts and use this blog to my advantage. I know that I can do this, I just need to ask ....what is stopping me?

Dinner out.

I had dinner out with a friend tonight at applebees and I have to admit I did pass on the ww menu because it just seemed kind of crappy choices. I instead chose a chicken bruschetta sandwich with a side salad. It was a higher point choice but I think that it was still better than the usual boneless buffalo wings with ranch.  So alls good in the hood. 

So since posting menus worked so well last week I am going to try it again this week. Obviously still starting at night 5pm which is when I reset my points. 

6:00pm applebees- 16pts

7pm sugarfree fudgcicle (2) 1pt

7:30 bottle of water, apple- 1pt

9:00 cereal 2pts

11:30 smart pop 100 cal 2pts

  cereal 4pts

1:30pm ish 100 cal pack and iced coffee 4pts

30pts total = 6pts over :(  Oh well thats what fp are for. 

Hopefully I can get some activity in, I do have a major paper to work on which will take precedence. 

I feel good...

I'm feeling the "new to weight watchers " feelings lately. I am digging the sense of control and really taking the time to think about whether I am actually hungry or just bored. It's nice. 

Irritated.

So I worked my bum off this week, got in my activity, stayed within my points and drank obscene amounts of water. I lost ...nothing, as a matter of fact I gained 2 lbs. It makes me sad because it makes me think that weight watchers doesn't work for me anymore and in my past it is the only thing that has even remotely worked for me.  

It never gets easier to face a week without a loss or worse with a gain, especially when you try so hard.

Overall I had a good weekend visiting family my eating was within my points, I did use every flex point I had though. So thats the news from this weekend. Now I'm off to make dinner. 

Thursday's plan

5pm Panera- 14pts

9:00 Cereal- 4pts

11:30 Cucumbers and dip- 3pts

    pita with laughing cow 2pts

1:30 Snack 3pts

3:30 Cereal 2pts 

I am leaving town around 4:30pm so I will probably have dinner on the road. I have a challenging weekend away and I know that in the past going out of town was treated as a string of Free days but not this time. I will not ruin this weeks hard work by eating a ton of crap this weekend. 

I will not have internet access while I am away but I may write my food journals and post them after I get home. 

Wed food diary

So I figured that I should adjust my food journal to be more accurate. I reset my point everyday at 5pm because I find it makes it easier to adjust for my day. I think it is easier to skimp on lunch than it is to on dinner. 

5PM applebees, not exactly sure yet probably around 12-15 pts EDIT-> dinner was cancelled

 5PM Spaghetti and bread 8pts

7pm bottle of water

7:30AM- slimfast 3pts

9:00 - special k protein with 1% 2pts

11:30- cukes with dip 3pts

    1 Pita with laughing cow 2pts

1:30 triscuit thins  and fruit 3 pts

This puts me over my points a bit but that is what flex is for.

Water 4 bottles

exercise- bike 45 minutes

As you can see I tend to get in a bit of a routine eating the same foods for a while but eventually something else will catch my eye and it will change. 

So I have been freaking out a little about going to this fair this weekend. I know that I am very likely to order what I always do....a dough boy aka funnel cake with cinnamon and sugar yum! SO I figured it would be best to look up the nutritional information on them.  HAHAHAHA 19 points!!!! Yeah I don't think so. That is like 4 pieces of pizza or a quarter pounder with cheese and a med fry. Soo not worth it.  

SO when I realized that realistically they are not a choice I looked up other fair foods. I decided that I could have a cotton candy AND a candied apple for only 6 points, much better.  I know its a lot of sugar but it is a better choice. 

I'm not going to lie, I will take a bite of the husbands doughboy, and I will undoubtably enjoy it immensely. Wow that is a load off my chest, I am going to be able to have fun and eat yummy things without guilty because I have planned for them. Plus think of all the walking to be done at a fair not to mention chasing around all my little nephews. 

Menu for Tuesday

Menu

7:30 slimfast 

9:00 cereal or cereal bar

11:30 cukes and dip 3

   pita with laughing cow 2

1:30 fruit

5:15 dinner out with a friend, Applebees so probably something from the ww menu (any suggestions?)

Water- 4 bottles 

activity- heading to the dog park so a little walking there

     -bike 30 minutes

Okay.

Doing pretty well so far sticking to my plan. I went over  a bit with my morning snack but only by 3 points. I skipped my morning coffee successfully which translates to no one got hurt. I managed my 30 minutes on the exercise bike and actually stayed an extra 10 minutes to boot. 

I've done pretty well on my water so far 3 bottles down and going strong. My afternoon was a bit of a struggle with snacking, I found that I get bored and all I can think about is food.  

I knew that I wasn't hungry but I still had a hard time resisting. I'm thinking that if I workout in the afternoon when possible it might help fight the munchies. 

It felt really good to get some movement in today, even though it wasn't an hour of high intensity exercise, it felt good to accomplish something. I might even head out to walk the 4 mile trek around the bay I live near, well maybe. 

Seriously?

I decided to start weight watchers once again today. About half way through the day my husband mentioned that the family wanted to go to the fair this weekend and my first thoughts were "crap I guess I can't do ww this week" Basically I saw the fair as an unbeatable obstacle even though I have a whole week to plan for it. Seriously..? Seriously? come one. I feel so ridiculous for even thinking it. 

So I am going to approach going out of town, not to mention to a fair with the more obvious and beneficial approach. Im going to plan, save my flex points, and make good choices. 

By the way, I am getting pictures taken on the 30th with the husband and I want to look as good as I can in them. I have to get myself back on track!!

Menus..

Soo I thought that I might put up my daily menu in advance for tomorrow and see if that helps me keep to my points. So here is the plan

7:30 Slimfast 3pts

9:00 cereal or cereal bar 2pts

11:30 2 small pitas with laughing cow cheese 4pts

   cucumbers with dip 2pts

2:00 snack- fruit 2pts

5:00 chicken with corn on the cob 6pts

7:00 2-3 pt snack 

Water goal 4- 20oz bottles

activity goal- 30 minutes on the bike or a 30 min walk.

Well there's the plan stan. 

Same old thing

I'm still up to my moderately poor eating habits, although I have decided that it is now time to stop. Eating intuitively hasn't been working all that well to be honest, I'm up again. I just cleared my house of all the not so point friendly foods and have decided to focus on eating within stricter boundaries. Counting points maybe, I haven't fully decided yet, but I will decide that before tomorrow.

    Regardless of how I decide to monitor my eating I do plan on scheduling my meals for the week ahead and sticking to it. I always seem to struggle with what to eat for dinner so I think that it will help to have already planned. I have also instituted cereal for dinner night 2x a week. Its healthy, low points, cheap, and easy. It is also a way to sneak in some fun because there are whole grain cereals out there that are really yummy, personally I like fruity pebbles. 

As much as I hate to say it I have dinner out plans tonight which means tricky ordering at the place we are going but I will do. I'm not that hungry anyways. SO here we go, again. 

Yum

Triscuit Thin Crisps, 15 of them, 2 points. Delicious.

Orange flavored Crasins, 1/3 cup 2pts -reminds me of fruit snacks.

Laughing Cow herbs and garlic 1pt each- Really good on a pita

GNO was a blast

Girls night was fun and we had awesome fondue and yummy cake. I had a couple cocktails and a lot of laughs. Sometimes it takes such a small act like getting together with a few friends to hang out to remind you how good life really is. 

Life is not about weight, food, or points. It is about friends, good times, family, and laughter. My weight doesn't stop me from any of those things, unless I let it. 

I realize that my last few points may not be as supportive of what a weight loss blog usually is but the bottom line is that I am still just trying to figure it all out. How to balance weight loss and life. How to focus on my family, friends, education, and how to enjoy my life while I am living it. I do not want to live for "when I am skinny" but instead I want to live now. 

LIfe

So I haven't been counting my points, I've eaten out, I've had ice cream in unmeasured portions, and I have been living my life. 

I have lost 2 lbs. 

Moderation. If I have learned anything from ww it is portions, moderation, and how it feels when I eat healthy vs. not. I know that will refer to ww more than not in my weight loss journey but it is also nice to know that it is possible to eat healthy without becoming obsessed with points. 

I'm sure I will start counting again soon, because it does give my life a certain feeling of control. 

But for tonight, I am going out to celebrate my birthday (early) with the girls. There will be fondue, cake, and cocktail. I'm not counting a damn thing. 

And on and on

        So the poor eating hasn't stopped yet but it as strange as it sounds is controlled. I am trying to get in all the foods I never let myself have. Yes I know, weight watchers isn't a diet (haha) and I can always eat what I want (haha) but the reality is with the points systems there are just some foods that don't add up (forgive the pun). 

      I know that it's probably not the best idea to consume all these foods in the period of a weekend but you know what, I needed a break. I wasn't losing and I needed the freedom for a couple days.          

         During all this "freedom" I also went out and bought healthy groceries so I am stocked for the beginning of the week. Or maybe sooner. I know that my body will start craving better fuel, it already has started to and when it does I will be prepared. 

I have also started to think about rejoining ww and actually attending the meetings. I have wanted to for a while but I have been a bit strapped for cash. I am working on my budget to wiggle some things around and hopefully I can figure something out.