I'm just a girl...

Yeah so I finally went to the running store to see about getting myself some new shoes and it was awkward. The salesperson was great she was really helpful and patient. I just felt like I was a fish out of water. I knew that I would. But I stepped outside my comfort zone and did it. 

She recommended a pair of Brooks, addiction is what they are called. Aparently I pronate a lot and have pretty flat feet. Ok so thats when it hit me I am such a girl ...the shoes were ugly. Well the ones I need are. I wanted flashy, fast looking shoes but really they aren't. I didn't buy any shoes today but I know now what I need.

 I actually found them cheaper online by $30 but I am feeling some guilt about not buying that the store. Is it ok to buy them online even though I used there service at the store? The only other perk to buying them at the running store is that they have a return/exchange program if it turns out that you don't like the shoes after a couple of runs. 

Arg. I am trying to not be cheap and make the best choice but really they are expensive shoes. I also am planning on buying an ipod shuffle that I can just clip to my shirt when I run. Right now I have a ipod touch but it is really too big to run with. Lucky for me the shuffles are under $50 now. 

SO any opinions? Any one tried Brooks brand shoes before?

To run or not to run?

I tried running for a little while and I had some trouble so I was hoping that I could get some answers from all you runners about what I should do.

1. I think I may have bought the wrong sneakers. WHen I run the outer part of my foot aches, is it my shoes? Or is it just something I have to toughen up and work through?

2. How do you keep your pants from falling down?? Seriously I carry my weight like a prego woman and once those pants start to slide its over and want to hit the ground. PS its really ahrd to run and hold up your pants. 

3. Where do I put my keys so they don't fall out of my pockets?

4. Is it worth it??

Please any answers would be LOVELY!!

Thank you again for any support and I really want to do this this time.  PS I love C25K

Winter

I live in Maine, winter sucks. Seasonal depression sucks too. Soo how do we make the best of this? Well this year I am doing things differently. Usually I bake, I eat mountains of pasta, and sleep. This year instead I will decorate the house with festive things, I will buy candles that smell like pumpkin spice or apple cider, and I will bake food for the office. 

Depending on how rough the weather is this year I may even renew my gym contract, although I don't mind running the winter it's kind of nice as long as the roads are clear. 

Inside out

Working on the inside first. I am rebuilding my lifestyle, ok yeah you can "say" it. I know AGAIN. What good is life if you cant start over when you need to? Soo here we go again. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I don't want to be obsessed with counting ...things but I know that I cannot do it without some sort of control. I am not sure what I will do but that is kind of down the road a little. I want to focus on some other life changes like eating more whole foods, less processed junk.

Most importantly I am working on treating my body better and realizing the emotions that I have for food. Food and I are just too attached. 

Some Ideas

Food is my friend

But I have real friends

Food is my partner

But I am lucky to have a great husband

Food is my entertainment

But I have plenty to do.

Food is complicated

But it can be simple

Food is part of my life

But it shouldn't control it

Food is reward

But health is a better reward

Food is fuel

So I better treat it that way. 

Good Stuff

I'm feeling better, thanks for asking! This sinus infection is finally clearing up and I am starting to catch up on much needed sleep. I have been also really working on getting caught up with school stuff. Eating has been ok  I have been working on drinking more water and focusing on listening to my body. 

I have a lot of work to do this weekend, planning, getting some exercise in and doing some homework.

So I have really noticed that if I take one day to work really hard whether it is cooking in bulk in advance, finishing a bunch of homework ahead of time, or just cleaning my house it makes this amazing difference. 

It feels amazing to get ahead, to know that there isn't something that has to be done nagging you in the back of your mind. It is freeing. It even makes me want to do more. It just takes away a little of the pressure in life. 

I am devoting my weekend to getting it together. I will create and complete a to do list. I will organize, clean, and focus. I will finish it all by Saturday so that I can spend Sunday in BED!! WOO. 

New idea.

So I had this idea, I have been trying to figure out a way to reward myself for my hard work, I usually say "When I lose X-lbs I will ---" But doesn't it make more sense to reward consistency? SO maybe I should look at things more like this "When I work out 3 times a week I will----" or "When I stay within my calorie range I will----" 

I have a feeling that this way of thinking would be more healthy mentally. It is rewarding the lifestyle not just weight loss. Obviously weight loss is my goal but health is my priority. 

Since this week is already started I am going to make a mini goal. I am going to get back on track by logging all of my food regardless of how good or bad it is. 

I have to go home this weekend for a funeral (my husbands 2nd cousin, we were prepared for it to happen so it has been a little easier to deal with) so I hope to get back on the counting calories track officially on Monday. However I am going to keep track of what I am eating and not relying on the I'll start Monday eat everything frame of mind. So here's hoping for best. 

I am really struggling to grasp the idea of living life and not just getting through it. I really want to focus on the little ways to enjoy my life and my husband. You only live once and you never know what your expiration date is. So live, love, and enjoy life. 

I'm here hanging out with my lovely cold still hanging on. I'm feeling a little bit better than I was last week but it is still an issue. Food wise I have been eating but not really counting anything. I cannot taste or smell anything so I haven't really had much for cravings which seems like a blessing but really is just a pain because I am having to eat anyways and not able to enjoy any of it. 

My goal for this week is to get rid of my cold by taking care of myself. As much as I hate to admit it I figure that by eating crap the last couple weeks it's kinda my fault that this cold is still around. If I had started taking better care of my body 3 weeks ago I'm sure I would have kicked that cold by now. 

Well thats where I am no weight change, but not too worried about it, I figure I am about 2/3 snot right now anyways ; P

Inspired

I have been so inspired by a blog that I came across. I isn't a weight loss blog but rather a food blog. You can find it at www.KathEats.com which is Kath eats real food and she photgraphs it everyday. The amount of effort put into presentation of her food is amazing and she can make oatmeal seem like a 5 star meal. Check it out it really puts into perspective how making food look pretty can make it more enjoyable.

 No more shoving food into my mouth in front of the tv, mindlessly. I am trying to  eat at the kitchen table and to really enjoy my food. I can already tell that I am eating less and appreciating the simpler things. Do you have any idea how beautiful fruit is? Cut it up lay it on a plate put a dallop of cool whip free or some granola. 

I also see a connection with the enjoyment of eating out and presentation. So I am going to try to plate my food and make an effort with the little things. 

Woops

I have to admit that I have been neglecting my calorie count logs. I've just been really sick, exhausted, and busy with school. I haven't been focused on writing everything down because it has been a lot of work simply staying upright and studying. 

Since I have been non accountable to my calorie count page I have been eating a lot of stuff that normally I would avoid including, Mcdonalds, M&Ms, loads of peanut butter toast, and I have been just doing a lot of extra snacking. 

Bright side I haven't gained, downside I haven't lost. I am feeling a lot more healthy though today and I know that I need to focus this week to make up for this weeks woops. 

BY the way, I have seen all the amazing work that everyone is doing on the Chubby Girls Challenge and it has really been a motivator for me so THANK YOU, all of you are doing amazing. 

Meat and Potatoes kinda girl.

I have always struggled with idea of meals. In my mind a meal is a meat and a starch and that has got to change. I know that I would function much better using a 6 small meals plan. How do I wrap my mind around the idea that a yogurt and a piece of fruit is ok. 

Any tips on eating smaller meals? What should I eat that will last me through 4-5 hours? 

Sick

I am still sick, this has got to end. I mean I am whiny, wanna sleep ALL the time, and eating comfort food sick. I also have two major exams one on  Wednesday and one on Thursday and I start my teaching placement tomorrow morning at 8. Sucky timing for being sick. 

I haven't really been paying much attention to my weight and forgot to weigh in this morning for the chubby girls challenge. Will have to do that tomorrow. Now it's time for a shower, studying, and sleep. 

This may sound funny

This may seem strange but I think I am going to lay off the exercise this week in help with my weight loss. Hmm well it seems the more I work out the less I lose. The math doesn't seem to work but hey I have a lot to do this week (2 exams to study for) so it will be nice to have the extra time. I plan to keep up with the calorie counting and we will see how that goes.

The only problem I can see with my plan of counting calories  and working out last week  was that maybe with all the working out I wasn't taking in enough calories. I was at around 12-1500 cal a day and was working out 30- 60 minutes 5 days a week. Could that be the problem? Do I need to eat more if I am working out? I figured if I was feeling ok then what I was eating was fine.  

Wow..

Wow, is all I can think right now, I am a bit in shock I think. I just pulled out an old journal to check on some measurements and compare where I am now as opposed to the last time I measured. I randomly turned to a page from September of 2006. On the bottom of the page it said " lose 20lbs before Christmas" 

If you don't really read my blog much this statement probably doesn't seem all that abnormal. But if you are very observant you may have noticed that almost 2 years to the day later I made the same goal. I didn't reach my goal in 06 and I was lighter  then than I am now. 

This just struck me as well I'm not sure how I feel. All I can think is wow.  It is almost sad to me that I have wasted 2 years with no loss. I just want to find something that works for me. I mean I have been eating 1200-1400 calories a day and working out 4-5 day a week 30 min-60. The basic math is there I should be losing weight. I'm not asking for a lot just some progress. 

I am feeling pretty discouraged and sad...I have a lot of thinking to so. 

On the plus side I don't have any urge to turn to food right now. I really feel like I have gotten a good hold on my emotional eating. Also I am not thinking of giving up on my healthier diet, I refuse to give up. I know I have said this before and I will probably say it again but I have no choice but to keep trying. I want to be healthy. 

mind games

It's kinda of funny when you are watching what you eat and working out that your weight likes to play mind games with you. I know that I feel like I have leaned up and have been treating my body well but the bottom line say I gained my 3lb loss back. It's frustrating. Why the mind games? And why do I let myself be ruled by them. I know how my body feels and that should be enough. I need to put the scale away. 

I wonder when my body will catch up with my mind. I'm still going to count calories and get my workouts in. I am still going to live my life and gauge my mood by how I feel not what the scale says. 

I am going to put the scale away with the exception of Monday morning so that I can weigh in with the chubby chick challenge. Trust me this is not a wah wah poor me post just trying to analyze my thoughts....sorry psych major. 

Note to self.....

....being unprepared is not an excuse to eat crap...even if it is in your calorie range... and even if you are in a hurry. With all my night classes (3 a week tues-th until 7or8pm) I tend to want to run to fast food between classes or on my way to class. Its just easier, quicker, less messy, and tastes decent. Besides salads there aren't too many healthy choices on the ff menus here so it is usually a happy meal or something like that. 

I feel a lot of indifference about food lately, I would rather not eat than eat salads or veggies. This is an issue especially for me because I get nauseous and spacey when I don't eat often enough. I have been using slimfast to fill the void but I know that I'm not teaching myself to eat correctly it is just a short term fix. 

My solution to this is to plan out my menus around the special time issues. To realize that I don't have to eat a plate of pasta or a meat and potatoes meal to feel that I have had a real meal. I need to realize that I can have a yogurt and fruit or a granola bar and that is ok for a mini meal. I need to remove myself from the meat and potatoes state of mind. 

Does anyone have any good mini meal ideas, food combinations, or good travel foods to share with me?

FALL

I love fall. I love picking apples, fresh crisp air, and falling leaves. Fall makes me really happy and it also brings on the desire to eat all those warm me up foods like stews, pasta, and of course muffins. I cannot wait to make my first batch of pumpkin spice muffins or my first chicken soup of the fall. It's good...it's all good.