Assume I am following my points accurately, weighting, measuring, and drinking my water....I am. So maybe the lack of weight loss is because I need to lower my points? It is the only thing that I can think of that would be stopping me from losing any weight. Maybe my job isn't as active as I think it is. Maybe it's because I am approaching a new age bracket. Maybe I just need to drop my points by a couple. 

I think that I will drop my daily points down 2 and see what happens. This worries me only because when I know that I am running out of points for the day it makes me nervous. I think that I cannot possibly do it and I give up. Well that is actually my typical action in such situation however I am feeling strong. 

Why am I feeling so strong even though I am not losing anything and working so hard? Well I don't know. I am so used to just giving up but this time I am feel ok. I want to lose but I know that if I give up I won't but if I keep trying then I might. Giving up is no longer a choice. 

It's funny I know that I am at my highest weight I can feel it in my clothes but for some reason  I feel thinner. It is so strange. I feel strong, I feel more healthy, I feel much more ok. 

Now if only my pants fit. 

I'm going to keep on going, it's not easy but it will be easier someday.

Is it even possible?

When I see people who have lost 50+ lbs and look like shadows of their former selves I think wow could I even be that thin? I can't imagine life without a belly. I can't image pulling on a pair of pants and not having to worry about muffin top. What is life like without a spare tire? Will I ever know? Could I ever actually be 135lbs? 

Amazing weekend

I behaved amazingly this weekend. I packed healthy snacks for the drive, dinner was subway on the road, and no stops for chips or candy. I picked up yogurt for breakfast and I ate before I headed out to the wedding to prevent becoming irrationally hungry and I said no to cake. I managed to squeeze in a decent bike ride on Saturday with my little brothers and I had saved 20 of my flex points to cover any tough spots. I stayed on plan and drank all my water. I was so proud of myself because this is the first time I haven't given up on a weekend out of town. I didn't say screw it I can't manage my eating away from home. I did great.

I gained 2lbs. 

My body is unf*cking believable. I want to cry, scream and give up. But I didn't yet. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with this without any change in my weight. I am working so hard and gaining (losing) nothing from it. Something has go to be wrong. I measure my servings, drink my water, journal everyday, I have lost nothing.  I'm pushing on for two more weeks if nothing changes after that I'm just going to stop eating completely. Ok not really but I am done with weight watchers and have no idea what to do next. It is the only thing that has ever help me lose weight (up to 15lbs, twice) I just don't know. 

Away again.

I'm going out of town tomorrow for yet another wedding. This time it is a long 6.5 hour trip to my hometown...ew. I hate going there, it's just not a place that  I have a lot of good memories. Yea it will be nice to see my family but also really stressful. Food will be a little tough but I still have 20 flex points to tide me over the rough patches. It is also stressful because money is tight and gas is expensive. 

I did do a little planning buying snacks to bring for the drive up and for while I am there. I definitely don't want to let myself get too hungry while I am away from home and end up making a poor choice. 

I do have to say that lately with all the hot weather I have definitely gotten my water in.  Have a great weekend and I will check in with you all on Monday.

Sex post below...beware.

Does sex earn you activity points? Haha I figured if anything the question would make you laugh! I actually realize that yes it should count as activity, but you have to be realistic about the situation. If you are laying there doing nothing (poor you by the way) then I would say that you aren't really EARNing your points but if you put in a good steady effort then yeah why not. 

Lets face the truth here sex is a lot more fun than jumping jacks. 

On the more serious side I got myself a few activity points today (from my exercise bike of course) and I stayed within my points. I am actually doing, feeling really good using the 5pm points reset. 

Have a good night and hey why not get a couple extra activity points..hint hint. 

Earned

Guess who earned herself a whopping 5 activity points today...it was me! I managed to remove my butt of my comfy blue couch and climb onto my exercise bike... conveniently located right next to it. I then decided that my dog really needed a good walk so we strolled off down the road for about 30 minutes. I'm feeling good about this plus my dog is happy. 

Email correspondence

I am looking for someone to communicate with on a daily basis through email or aim. I think that I could really use the partnership of someone else going through the same things as I am. Hopefully there is someone who is still in the losing phase, maybe even using weight watchers, and needs a little bit of encouragement too.  If you are interested please leave me a comment. Man this sounds cheesy! I also enjoy long walks in the food court at the mall and puppies haha.

PS I am a really honest person so if brutal honesty doesn't interest you then it might now work. 

5pm reset?

The last time I was on ww I tried starting my day at 5pm allowing me to eat my dinner and then accommodate the rest of my points during breakfast and lunch. It seems to me that I am more capable of controlling my eating during breakfast and lunch.  

     This would also help with my afternoon and evening snacking. On one hand if my points run out at 5 then it may help me wait until dinner instead of snacking. On the other hand if I want to snack in the evening then I may rethink it due to the fact that I will know that it may take away from my morning coffees haha. They would be the first thing to be cut of course! 

Soo thats the plan for this week. It takes a little of mental adjustment but change can be good and it will keep me on my toes!

PS Very exciting news H&M is moving into my mall in the fall woo I love that store. Now I just have t0 get skinny enough to fit in all their clothes! 

PSS Note to Trader Joe's....Please follow in H&M's excellent footprints. Maine needs love too.

NEW

Yay Yay tomorrow is a new day, and even better, a new week. Sunday is my day one and I really need a day one. This week went downhill around Thursday when my flex points disappeared in an attack of munchies. It seems so hard to make it through the rest of the week once my flex points have disappeared, I suppose thats when planning comes in or willpower (that does exists right?) 

I have toyed with the idea of splitting up my flex points and adding them to my regular points for each day. Or even just increasing my points by 3 a day and keeping the remaining 14 points for my splurge day/dinner. Even after typing this idea I realize that I may be making things far more complicated then necessary 

I miss you ..

I really find myself missing my diet coke lately. It is a similar feeling I would imagine as a smoker that misses lighting up as a habit. I miss the comfort of cracking open an ice cold can when I get home from work. I miss the release of that lunch time dc. I know that there are benefits of a dc free life but is it worth it? Diet coke was my 0 calorie, 0 point treat, my free pass. There is nothing like a hot bowl of popcorn and an iced cold diet coke. 

I'm not sure if I am fully ready to let the dc go, it was my only non food crutch. I could really use a crutch right now because lets face it craving a dc is way better that craving a donut. 

A road paved with good intentions.

I've been living my adult and most of my teenage life with good intentions. I treat people well, I am honest, and I do whatever I can to help anyone I can. My dieting life has also and continues to be one filled with good intentions. I intend to workout, eat well, and live a more balanced life. 

I make well thought out plans, I buy healthy groceries, and I set obtainable goals in my weight loss. 

Where is this whole life style going off the tracks? What gets in my way? Why is it that everyone else is worth my time and attention but not myself. Where do you go from here? When planning isn't working and you can't pull yourself off the couch. 

I suppose the answer to a broken plan is to create another one. To start off small and work up to the desired level of fitness that I want. To make a list of what is working and find a new route. To see what is stopping me and reconfigure. 

I intended this blog to be inspiring to others and to keep motivated however it seems to me it has turned in to a place to splash my failures. I am still not giving up though and I think that it is time to turn things around, pretend that WW is new. Move into a place that I can start fresh and forget how many times I have failed or how much weight I have gained back. 

It is so hard to view this as a lifestyle change and not just a diet. It is not easy and it never will be. Its time to stop putting off the hard work and jump in. 

Thank you all so much for leaving me encouraging comments, they really are the reason that I keep this blog going. 

Summer eating

From what I remember from summers past the heat usually causes people to not want to eat much. This is not so for me. I have been eating like a fiend and feel like a bottomless pit. When I found myself out of points both daily and flex this evening I ended up pigging out on cherrios.

 Ok yeah thats funny to me. I am feeling guilty for eating plain dry ordinary cherrios. I think that it was a good choice on my part though because in other situations when I felt that I was hungry but out of points I would have tended to go for chips, ice cream, or cookies with milk. 

I would seeing eating those things as doing equal damage as any food because I had already "screwed up" on my diet. It wouldn't matter what I ate because the bottom line was that I was over my points so either way it was bad. 

Eh bonus points for making an unconscious positive choice I suppose. Also on the  patting myself on the back line of discussion I have been doing fabulously with my water intake and still no diet coke. 

Have a happy and safe 4th everyone!

Digital *!!&*@

Yeah I hate my scale, it read 10lbs lighter when I stepped on it today. Sounds like good news right? NO because when I stepped back on it before my victory lap I stated that I had actually not lost an ounce. NOTHING. Dammit. I have barely started ww again and I am already failing at it. No loss is not fair. By the way no it's not muscle weight because I haven't done a thing really. I'm sad. 

Moving on. This is not a pity me post, please don't take it that way. This is a bad weight in- verbal vomit to remove all the bad feelings about it. It's a new week. Here it goes again. Good foods fill my fridge and good thoughts fill my brain. I'm Good.

worried? not any more

So as the weekend away approaches I have come tot he realization that it isn't that hard to stay on track. My week ends on Saturday, I still have 7 flex points and Sunday starts a new week. Friday I don't leave until the late afternoon so it is basically a normal day keeping in mind a dinner on the road. Do I pack a sandwich? Stop at Subway? 

Wow there are two simple options that redirect me from McDonalds or Burger King. Ha I realize everyone is thinking that I could order a salad...yeah well that doesn't usually happen. I a big fan of cheeseburgers and fries.

I could plan to eat poorly for dinner by eating really well/minimal during the day but in the end I don't need all that fat and junk. I can see that it is still an option but just not a good one. 

That being planned I have realized how lame I have been in the past allowing myself to give up/in. I would view the weekend away as a lost cause and just eat my little heart out. Not this time, everything is under control.

Trying hard

I have been struggling a little this week with wanting to eat nonstop. I think that everytime that I focus on eating well I end up focusing on wanting to eat. I have had this issue everytime I have been on ww. I know that I have a rough weekend ahead of me (out of town wedding) and I had wanted to save the bulk of my flex points for back up. However this has not been accomplished thus far. I have been wanting to eat so often that I have used up 2/3 of my flex already and my week runs through Saturday! Oh this is going to be tough. 

I'm not sure what to do. Do I try (and most likely fail to be honest) to keep with this week doing as little damage as possible? Do I do my best and try to not use my flex next week? Do I give up? HAHA just kidding on the last one. With two other options giving up is not a choice. 

It's a good thing that all these summer traveling events are almost over. As much as ww is a lifestyle change/choice it is also an adjustment and adjustments take time.

No digital devil this week

I've decided to not allow the scale to dictate my mood this week. I've put it away in the husbands closet so it is out of sight and out of mind. I will be hoping for a pleasant surprise on Sunday. 

Oh yeah and speaking of Sunday guess who has to go out of town for a wedding this weekend. Yeah that always seems to happen once I get my sh*t together and start working my points. 

Weekend away- note to self

- Change doesn't equal failure

- If you taste it you count it

-Plan ahead to enjoy the moments

-Eat cake but plan for it

-Make every bite count because in the end you have to count it. 

Week One on Weight Watchers

Check in...down three pounds. What can I say ww works when you use it.