This post is brought to you by the letter S

S as in sick. Yeah I had a total bingefest today. It started innocently with a  slice of pizza, moved on to a lemon frosted cupcake with blue sprinkles, and ended with Mcdonald's drivethru. Yeah I haven't have all this crap in so long it made me quite ill. It sucks that I did it but I realized why I don't eat all that crap anymore at least not in high quantities or all at once. 

Dammit. Moving on I am babysitting tonight for a family that lives right near the beach so I should get some decent outside activity. They also never have any junk food in the house so thats helpful...until you get hungry and have the choice of wheatbran or carrots.  

Still not depressed over the whole dieting debacles that are my life. I'm cool, moving on and so thats life. 

Is it nuts?

Do you eat nuts? I love almonds but I have a really hard time justifying the points value of them. I realize they have healthy fats and protein but is it worth it to eat them? Where do they fit into the delicate balance of losing weight?

tech check

I am a proud owner of a ipod touch as of last week and I wanted to let any other touch or iphone owners know that there is a free application on itunes that functions as a points calculator. To me this is awesome because that means I won't need to bring my really obvious points slider to the grocery store with me anymore. 

There is also a notes function which I plan to use to track my points. You can download video podcasts from TLC and there are a few that are health tips. I figured I can watch the videos while riding my stationary bike. It's fabulous.  Check it out. 

http://www.apple.com/ipodtouch/

Ups and Downs

The ups and downs of weight loss can be so brutal. I feel good that I am putting better things in my body and I know that I am much more aware of what I put in my body. However, I also haven't seen a change body wise or scale wise. It makes me mad that I am putting in the time and counting my points but not seeing the results.

 It also concerns me. Why is it that I am working so hard but seeing no change? It makes me think is there something wrong with me, and then all these ideas run through my head, diabetes, thyroid issues, and who knows what else. I hope that I am simply being over dramatic or maybe weight watchers isn't going to work for me this time.  

What am I missing? I am measuring, counting, researching websites, and I just can't find my loophole. I have lowered my points and tried getting more activity. I really wish I had insurance so I could visit the doctor, I am going to check out what the campus has to offer for medical help. 

Eh that being said I still haven't stopped counting and I know I need to keep going because in the long view of things I am still making healthier choices. 

I wish I could just fix this by recommiting myself to the plan but the bottom line is that I am working the plan and I have been for the past couple months. 

Oh well I guess the plan is, check with the campus docs maybe get a check up if possible, try to get in even more activity and keep eating fresh. 

It's all good in the hood.

I'm still working the ww and not really struggling with it however it isn't working that well for me. I'm not really freaking out about it though. As much as I want this weight to go I realize that it isn't the end of the world. I'm still making good choices and I find myself really gravitating to more organic options. 

The bottom line is I may not really be losing but I feel pretty good. I can tell I am healthier and I am not obsessing about a number. It's a strange feeling to not really care what the scale says. I am tempted to put it away and not even worry about it. I just want to be healthier and happy. 

hanging in there

I'm still doing my ww thing and trying to keep up the good. I really have been busy and just haven't had the time to post. SO just for reference I haven't fallen off the wagon, I'm still going strong and will blog something interesting soon. 

Clearing out.

I have earned my activity points for sure this weekend. We have been working hard on painting, reorganizing, and clearing out our apartment and man can I feel it in my body today. I am achey. It was worth it though the place looks great and we are almost done.  When I walk into my newly painting living room it is really relaxing and I want to be here.  It's definitely a good thing.  

On the weight loss front I am down a pound this week so yay. Slow and steady I suppose. 

Now I am off because it is my anniversary and I have stuff to do!!

Pizza

I had pizza tonight, it was regular crust with green peppers on top. I enjoyed it a lot, I managed to take my time and really enjoy what I was eating. When I was comfortable I stopped, I was satisfied. I ordered the pizza because I had 17 flex point left and one day to use them. I didn't HAVE to use them but I did. 

I then went to go babysit 2 hours later where the mother made pizza for us for dinner. I had already eaten so I didn't have any. WAIT free pizza and I didn't even pick one piece of pepperoni off the top. I was still full. 

I did end up feeling a little guilty though because there was so much pizza and I didn't eat any. It was like I felt bad that she made it for me and I didn't eat any of it. I won't lie I took a piece wrapped it in a paper towel and threw it away so she would think I at least ate one piece.  I still think that was a better choice than eating it. 

The bottom line is I was listening to my body, I didn't overindulge. Go Me. 

Assume I am following my points accurately, weighting, measuring, and drinking my water....I am. So maybe the lack of weight loss is because I need to lower my points? It is the only thing that I can think of that would be stopping me from losing any weight. Maybe my job isn't as active as I think it is. Maybe it's because I am approaching a new age bracket. Maybe I just need to drop my points by a couple. 

I think that I will drop my daily points down 2 and see what happens. This worries me only because when I know that I am running out of points for the day it makes me nervous. I think that I cannot possibly do it and I give up. Well that is actually my typical action in such situation however I am feeling strong. 

Why am I feeling so strong even though I am not losing anything and working so hard? Well I don't know. I am so used to just giving up but this time I am feel ok. I want to lose but I know that if I give up I won't but if I keep trying then I might. Giving up is no longer a choice. 

It's funny I know that I am at my highest weight I can feel it in my clothes but for some reason  I feel thinner. It is so strange. I feel strong, I feel more healthy, I feel much more ok. 

Now if only my pants fit. 

I'm going to keep on going, it's not easy but it will be easier someday.

Is it even possible?

When I see people who have lost 50+ lbs and look like shadows of their former selves I think wow could I even be that thin? I can't imagine life without a belly. I can't image pulling on a pair of pants and not having to worry about muffin top. What is life like without a spare tire? Will I ever know? Could I ever actually be 135lbs? 

Amazing weekend

I behaved amazingly this weekend. I packed healthy snacks for the drive, dinner was subway on the road, and no stops for chips or candy. I picked up yogurt for breakfast and I ate before I headed out to the wedding to prevent becoming irrationally hungry and I said no to cake. I managed to squeeze in a decent bike ride on Saturday with my little brothers and I had saved 20 of my flex points to cover any tough spots. I stayed on plan and drank all my water. I was so proud of myself because this is the first time I haven't given up on a weekend out of town. I didn't say screw it I can't manage my eating away from home. I did great.

I gained 2lbs. 

My body is unf*cking believable. I want to cry, scream and give up. But I didn't yet. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on with this without any change in my weight. I am working so hard and gaining (losing) nothing from it. Something has go to be wrong. I measure my servings, drink my water, journal everyday, I have lost nothing.  I'm pushing on for two more weeks if nothing changes after that I'm just going to stop eating completely. Ok not really but I am done with weight watchers and have no idea what to do next. It is the only thing that has ever help me lose weight (up to 15lbs, twice) I just don't know. 

Away again.

I'm going out of town tomorrow for yet another wedding. This time it is a long 6.5 hour trip to my hometown...ew. I hate going there, it's just not a place that  I have a lot of good memories. Yea it will be nice to see my family but also really stressful. Food will be a little tough but I still have 20 flex points to tide me over the rough patches. It is also stressful because money is tight and gas is expensive. 

I did do a little planning buying snacks to bring for the drive up and for while I am there. I definitely don't want to let myself get too hungry while I am away from home and end up making a poor choice. 

I do have to say that lately with all the hot weather I have definitely gotten my water in.  Have a great weekend and I will check in with you all on Monday.

Sex post below...beware.

Does sex earn you activity points? Haha I figured if anything the question would make you laugh! I actually realize that yes it should count as activity, but you have to be realistic about the situation. If you are laying there doing nothing (poor you by the way) then I would say that you aren't really EARNing your points but if you put in a good steady effort then yeah why not. 

Lets face the truth here sex is a lot more fun than jumping jacks. 

On the more serious side I got myself a few activity points today (from my exercise bike of course) and I stayed within my points. I am actually doing, feeling really good using the 5pm points reset. 

Have a good night and hey why not get a couple extra activity points..hint hint. 

Earned

Guess who earned herself a whopping 5 activity points today...it was me! I managed to remove my butt of my comfy blue couch and climb onto my exercise bike... conveniently located right next to it. I then decided that my dog really needed a good walk so we strolled off down the road for about 30 minutes. I'm feeling good about this plus my dog is happy. 

Email correspondence

I am looking for someone to communicate with on a daily basis through email or aim. I think that I could really use the partnership of someone else going through the same things as I am. Hopefully there is someone who is still in the losing phase, maybe even using weight watchers, and needs a little bit of encouragement too.  If you are interested please leave me a comment. Man this sounds cheesy! I also enjoy long walks in the food court at the mall and puppies haha.

PS I am a really honest person so if brutal honesty doesn't interest you then it might now work. 

5pm reset?

The last time I was on ww I tried starting my day at 5pm allowing me to eat my dinner and then accommodate the rest of my points during breakfast and lunch. It seems to me that I am more capable of controlling my eating during breakfast and lunch.  

     This would also help with my afternoon and evening snacking. On one hand if my points run out at 5 then it may help me wait until dinner instead of snacking. On the other hand if I want to snack in the evening then I may rethink it due to the fact that I will know that it may take away from my morning coffees haha. They would be the first thing to be cut of course! 

Soo thats the plan for this week. It takes a little of mental adjustment but change can be good and it will keep me on my toes!

PS Very exciting news H&M is moving into my mall in the fall woo I love that store. Now I just have t0 get skinny enough to fit in all their clothes! 

PSS Note to Trader Joe's....Please follow in H&M's excellent footprints. Maine needs love too.

NEW

Yay Yay tomorrow is a new day, and even better, a new week. Sunday is my day one and I really need a day one. This week went downhill around Thursday when my flex points disappeared in an attack of munchies. It seems so hard to make it through the rest of the week once my flex points have disappeared, I suppose thats when planning comes in or willpower (that does exists right?) 

I have toyed with the idea of splitting up my flex points and adding them to my regular points for each day. Or even just increasing my points by 3 a day and keeping the remaining 14 points for my splurge day/dinner. Even after typing this idea I realize that I may be making things far more complicated then necessary 

I miss you ..

I really find myself missing my diet coke lately. It is a similar feeling I would imagine as a smoker that misses lighting up as a habit. I miss the comfort of cracking open an ice cold can when I get home from work. I miss the release of that lunch time dc. I know that there are benefits of a dc free life but is it worth it? Diet coke was my 0 calorie, 0 point treat, my free pass. There is nothing like a hot bowl of popcorn and an iced cold diet coke. 

I'm not sure if I am fully ready to let the dc go, it was my only non food crutch. I could really use a crutch right now because lets face it craving a dc is way better that craving a donut. 

A road paved with good intentions.

I've been living my adult and most of my teenage life with good intentions. I treat people well, I am honest, and I do whatever I can to help anyone I can. My dieting life has also and continues to be one filled with good intentions. I intend to workout, eat well, and live a more balanced life. 

I make well thought out plans, I buy healthy groceries, and I set obtainable goals in my weight loss. 

Where is this whole life style going off the tracks? What gets in my way? Why is it that everyone else is worth my time and attention but not myself. Where do you go from here? When planning isn't working and you can't pull yourself off the couch. 

I suppose the answer to a broken plan is to create another one. To start off small and work up to the desired level of fitness that I want. To make a list of what is working and find a new route. To see what is stopping me and reconfigure. 

I intended this blog to be inspiring to others and to keep motivated however it seems to me it has turned in to a place to splash my failures. I am still not giving up though and I think that it is time to turn things around, pretend that WW is new. Move into a place that I can start fresh and forget how many times I have failed or how much weight I have gained back. 

It is so hard to view this as a lifestyle change and not just a diet. It is not easy and it never will be. Its time to stop putting off the hard work and jump in. 

Thank you all so much for leaving me encouraging comments, they really are the reason that I keep this blog going. 

Summer eating

From what I remember from summers past the heat usually causes people to not want to eat much. This is not so for me. I have been eating like a fiend and feel like a bottomless pit. When I found myself out of points both daily and flex this evening I ended up pigging out on cherrios.

 Ok yeah thats funny to me. I am feeling guilty for eating plain dry ordinary cherrios. I think that it was a good choice on my part though because in other situations when I felt that I was hungry but out of points I would have tended to go for chips, ice cream, or cookies with milk. 

I would seeing eating those things as doing equal damage as any food because I had already "screwed up" on my diet. It wouldn't matter what I ate because the bottom line was that I was over my points so either way it was bad. 

Eh bonus points for making an unconscious positive choice I suppose. Also on the  patting myself on the back line of discussion I have been doing fabulously with my water intake and still no diet coke. 

Have a happy and safe 4th everyone!