Sick

I am still sick, this has got to end. I mean I am whiny, wanna sleep ALL the time, and eating comfort food sick. I also have two major exams one on  Wednesday and one on Thursday and I start my teaching placement tomorrow morning at 8. Sucky timing for being sick. 

I haven't really been paying much attention to my weight and forgot to weigh in this morning for the chubby girls challenge. Will have to do that tomorrow. Now it's time for a shower, studying, and sleep. 

This may sound funny

This may seem strange but I think I am going to lay off the exercise this week in help with my weight loss. Hmm well it seems the more I work out the less I lose. The math doesn't seem to work but hey I have a lot to do this week (2 exams to study for) so it will be nice to have the extra time. I plan to keep up with the calorie counting and we will see how that goes.

The only problem I can see with my plan of counting calories  and working out last week  was that maybe with all the working out I wasn't taking in enough calories. I was at around 12-1500 cal a day and was working out 30- 60 minutes 5 days a week. Could that be the problem? Do I need to eat more if I am working out? I figured if I was feeling ok then what I was eating was fine.  

Wow..

Wow, is all I can think right now, I am a bit in shock I think. I just pulled out an old journal to check on some measurements and compare where I am now as opposed to the last time I measured. I randomly turned to a page from September of 2006. On the bottom of the page it said " lose 20lbs before Christmas" 

If you don't really read my blog much this statement probably doesn't seem all that abnormal. But if you are very observant you may have noticed that almost 2 years to the day later I made the same goal. I didn't reach my goal in 06 and I was lighter  then than I am now. 

This just struck me as well I'm not sure how I feel. All I can think is wow.  It is almost sad to me that I have wasted 2 years with no loss. I just want to find something that works for me. I mean I have been eating 1200-1400 calories a day and working out 4-5 day a week 30 min-60. The basic math is there I should be losing weight. I'm not asking for a lot just some progress. 

I am feeling pretty discouraged and sad...I have a lot of thinking to so. 

On the plus side I don't have any urge to turn to food right now. I really feel like I have gotten a good hold on my emotional eating. Also I am not thinking of giving up on my healthier diet, I refuse to give up. I know I have said this before and I will probably say it again but I have no choice but to keep trying. I want to be healthy. 

mind games

It's kinda of funny when you are watching what you eat and working out that your weight likes to play mind games with you. I know that I feel like I have leaned up and have been treating my body well but the bottom line say I gained my 3lb loss back. It's frustrating. Why the mind games? And why do I let myself be ruled by them. I know how my body feels and that should be enough. I need to put the scale away. 

I wonder when my body will catch up with my mind. I'm still going to count calories and get my workouts in. I am still going to live my life and gauge my mood by how I feel not what the scale says. 

I am going to put the scale away with the exception of Monday morning so that I can weigh in with the chubby chick challenge. Trust me this is not a wah wah poor me post just trying to analyze my thoughts....sorry psych major. 

Note to self.....

....being unprepared is not an excuse to eat crap...even if it is in your calorie range... and even if you are in a hurry. With all my night classes (3 a week tues-th until 7or8pm) I tend to want to run to fast food between classes or on my way to class. Its just easier, quicker, less messy, and tastes decent. Besides salads there aren't too many healthy choices on the ff menus here so it is usually a happy meal or something like that. 

I feel a lot of indifference about food lately, I would rather not eat than eat salads or veggies. This is an issue especially for me because I get nauseous and spacey when I don't eat often enough. I have been using slimfast to fill the void but I know that I'm not teaching myself to eat correctly it is just a short term fix. 

My solution to this is to plan out my menus around the special time issues. To realize that I don't have to eat a plate of pasta or a meat and potatoes meal to feel that I have had a real meal. I need to realize that I can have a yogurt and fruit or a granola bar and that is ok for a mini meal. I need to remove myself from the meat and potatoes state of mind. 

Does anyone have any good mini meal ideas, food combinations, or good travel foods to share with me?

FALL

I love fall. I love picking apples, fresh crisp air, and falling leaves. Fall makes me really happy and it also brings on the desire to eat all those warm me up foods like stews, pasta, and of course muffins. I cannot wait to make my first batch of pumpkin spice muffins or my first chicken soup of the fall. It's good...it's all good. 

Yummy Pesto Chicken Sandwich

This is a picture of my husbands sandwich since I don't like tomatoes mine wasn't as pretty. I went a little lighter on the mozzarella on my sandwich but you get the idea. I toasted the bread, grilled the chicken, smeared some pesto and layered it all together. YUM.

Bummed out

I messed up today. I got home from class at 8pm tonight and at that point I was at about 1300 calories. I was hungry and I just kept picking and picking. When I added it all up it was almost 800 calories worth of nothing. junk. I didn't even enjoy any of it because I didn't get the chance because it was just this and that...mindless. 

Sucks. Sucks even a little bit more because today was my day off from working out. I can't workout now because I wouldn't be able to sleep. My mind gets really buzzing after I work out so if I do it too late at night I cannot turn off my brain to sleep.  

Well tomorrow is another day. I am going to try to make up for it tomorrow. I think that I will try to plan out my meals...why not now ; )

B 7am- Yogurt 100cal

S 9:30 cereal at work with the kiddies 200 cal

L-11:30 crap ..no idea

S-2pm yogurt 70 cal

D-3:30 Slimfast (on my way to class) 170 cal

S- 5pm pretzels or baked chips 100-140 cal

Thats about 700 calories without lunch.  Maybe a cereal lunch day since there isn't too many other options in my kitchen right now. I will workout for an hour sometime between work and class 12-3:30pm. 

There's the plan Stan. 

Work it Baby!

I have to admit I have been....working my butt off. I am working out so regularly that I have even been squeezing in extra time on my exercise at night in addition to my mid day workouts between classes. Crazy. I have been embracing the calorie burning activity but also in the back of my mind I think ... will I burn out? ......is this a real life style change?........ can I possibly keep this up?....can I? can I?

Well I think I can.

Sorry for the ramble, its late and I am tired but I wanted to say something about it. 

; )

Officially down 3lbs this week, wooooo. It's amazing what counting calories can do for your mental health. Calories in vs. out and so far so good. At this rate well even at a slightly slower rate I will still make my 20lbs for Christmas goal!!! 

By the way I worked out for 2 hours yesterday!! I did 2- 1hour sessions on my exercise bike. I can thank a repeat (new to me since I cannot watch it on Wednesday nights due to a class) of America's top model for the motivation for hour 2. 

Is your diet making you wasteful?

Sometimes when I want a little something to eat I might have half of a 100 cal pack or half of a low sugar ice cream. When I am satisfied I usually don't save the other half simply because half an ice cream doesn't keep well and because its a pain in the butt to deal with the others. Wasteful. Money wise, trash wise, food wise. 

So what is more important? To reduce waste or waist? 

100 Posts

Wow for a first time blogger I am psyched to think that I have posted 100 times! I also have realized that I have wasted 100 posts worth of time trying unsuccessfully to lose this weight. I think that maybe 50 posts ago that thought would have discouraged me but not today. 

I am able to see that time as attempts at eating well and the fact that I could have spent that time eating poorly for it's entirety rather than on and off. 

-I have spent that time finding things that work for me and those that don't. 

-I learned to be more instinctual in my eating 

-that I prefer a little of the real stuff rather than a lot of the fake stuff. 

-I've learned how to bake and cook in healthier ways

- I've learned that if you have to cover it in cheese then it probably doesn't taste that good. 

-I've learned that having the support of other bloggers make my life better and that I want nothing more than to pass that back on to them. 

Pay day = Burger

Crap it was payday Friday, so of course I went out to eat. Well to be honest a friend came to visit and rather than clean my apartment I decided we should get lunch together instead. 

I didn't have much of a choice, the grilled chicken sandwich was looking about as bad for me as the burger so I had the burger, well 3/4 of it. I could have eaten more but I was actually able to stop when I was full. Thats nice. I felt satisfied, not denied, and now my burger craving is satisfied for a while. 

I was still able to stay pretty close to my calorie goal for the day, so I'm ok with it. Eating out is a part of life at least now it is a 3 times a month thing rather than a 3 times a week thing. 

I'm still sticking to the counting calories plan. I've ranged this week from 1100 to 1400 calories which I am pretty happy with. Tonight I made an amazing grilled chicken, pesto, fresh mozzarella sandwich that was delicious but it kinda put me over my points into the 1600 calorie zone. (will post pics later) I am heading to my exercise bike as soon as I type this blog to counteract the overage. 

I have been doing great with exercise, fitting it into my days and committing to my plan. I plan to finish off my workout tonight with a nice relaxing bath and some time with the Cullens. 

I joined! You Should too.

I am ALWAYS up for a challenge! Woo.

Not hungry

 I hate those days that my body is saying eat something you are hungry but really I just don't feel like eating anything. I realize that this sounds like a good problem but unfortunately I get really light headed and sick when I don't eat every 6 or so hours.  

I had a slimfast this morning and a coffee but it is 1:18 right now and my tummy is calling. I feel like not eating right now makes me feel so in control. I know it sounds crazy but I like that my body is signaling to me again and knowing that I am not just eating to eat. I think I'll go to subway before class. 

What do YOU want for Christmas?

I'm not sure if I have posted this before because I know I have thought about it before, so sorry if this is redundant. 

I've been thinking about Christmas past and how each year when I go home to visit my family my weight fluctuates seriously. For a little background my closest family is 3.5 hours away (in-laws) and 7 hours away (my side). I see my in-laws probably 4-7 times a year and my side maybe 2 -3 times. So when I go home that is how they think of me for the time being. Christmas is the time of year that I see everyone both sides of the family and this year I want to wow them. 

That being said I have about 3.75 months to kick this weight loss situation into gear. This is what I want for Christmas! My holiday goal 20lbs  is and I know that I can do it. That works out to be about 1.25lbs a week. That mean I will need to cut about 4000 cals a week. 

All I want for Christmas is to lose 20lbs, lose 20lbs, lose 20lbs. All I want for Christmas is to lose...............

Weekends are easy.

I know that for a lot of people weekends are a problem and 6 months ago I would have agreed however since I have been on the poor side of life lately I am finding it a lot easier. The key here is that I haven't been able to eat out due to a lack of funds. That is a good thing. Eating at home is more structured and I am in control of how things are made. 

Just a small conclusion that I made and I thought that I would share it. 

How much are you willing to give?

I did the math. If I work out one hour a day I am devoting only 4% of my day to exercise. 4% what is that? It is so tiny compared to the 33% I devote to sleep and the 16% I spend watching tv. This is my health and my life I can give up 4% of my day to keep myself healthy. 

So think of that next time you want to cut your workout short or not do it at all. Is your health worth 4% of your day? 

Back in the Game.

Ok so my head is back in the game. I am trying something new, counting calories. I realize that this isn't something new and I am a definite believer in the idea that weight loss is simply- calories in calories out.

 It's kind of funny though because it is a harder adjustment that counting points. I have been counting points for so long that I just know how many points foods are but not necessarily the calorie count.  I am using calorie king a lot to figure out the calories in things like chicken, fruit, and other foods that might not have the nutrition information on them.  I am aiming for about 1300 calories a day. 

I am also focusing on getting an hour of activity a day (5-6 days a week), whether it is walking, biking, or a dvd workout. I have carved out time in my days between work and classes to allow for it. I am taking Wednesday off due to a packed schedule and Saturday because I am on the run anyways so I probably get more activity on Saturday anyways. 

I have attempted running in the past but it wasn't working out for me so I am going to try some activities that are home based and require no travel time or dress requirements. Eventually I will try again but for now it's not in the cards. 

Here I go again. 

Nutritionist

I am going to visit the campus nutritionist and see what she has to say about my eating habits. Right now I am not trying to keep to any plan, I will decide whether or not to continue with weight watchers after I speak with the nutritionist. 

That being said I am going to keep eating well and focus on my feelings of hunger and fullness. I am going to be active and focus on adapting my healthy habits to my new schedule. BTW my semester just started and 4 days a week I am in class from 4 - 7 or 8:00 at night so I have to fight the urge to run through the drive thru and plan ahead. 

I have said it before and I will say it again I am not giving up on losing weight I am simply figuring out which path will take me where I need to go. 

disappointment.

SO I got my labs back today, I have never been so sad to be normal. Everything came back normal. Now I have no excuses, it is all my own fault that I am a weight loss failure. I must be sabotaging myself somewhere, I don't know. 

I feel that I don't have anywhere to turn anymore. Weight watchers is not working for me and it is all I know. I'm really not sure what I am going to do now but I know I have to do something because not losing weight is not an option.  

I hope that you day was better than mine.

Back to school

It was my first day back to class and already I am feeling the food crunch. After a day of classes it is just so much easier to run through the drivethru and grab something. I am trying to plan and fight it but it is always a challenge especially when dealing with the adjustment of a new schedule.

On a different note I did visit my campus nurse practitioner today and discussed my lack of weight loss progress and so tomorrow I am heading to the lab for some blood work (yuck) I am such a baby when it comes to needles. 

They tried to take blood at the office today but couldn't get a good vein, so off to the phlebotomist I go.  Wish me luck. I am getting thyroid test and a couple of others too, a complete metabolic something or other and a cbc I think. 

The bottom line is that I just want to know what is going on with my body and why it doesn't want me to lose weight and be healthy. So thats the plan Stan. 

I have a full day of work and classes tomorrow in which to squeeze in this bloodwork so hopefully I can get in and get it done so I can get my results by the end of the week.