The writing diet

SO I just purchased the book The Writing Diet hoping that it will help me work through some things in my life. I know I am an emotional eater and I eat out of boredom almost daily. I am working on this but I could use some help. In the past writing has always helped me work through issues so why not bring that tool back into my life.

I'm not going to lie with all this school work, my internship, not working, and seasonal changes I am worried about my mental health. I have already noticed that my fuse is short and that I am pushing people away (including my husband) and I know these are signs of problems. I want people in my life but I keep shutting them out wanting to be left alone. Everyone drives me nuts! My husband drives me up the wall by simply breathing! I need an outlet, a hobby, or something.

Flax

Has anyone tried taking flax seed oil pills?

2 weeks

It ahs been two weeks of being out of control in my eating. I mean I have been trying to follow healthy guideline and eat moderately well but there have been far too many splurges and I completely stopped tracking...never good.

I woke up this morning (almost afternoon) and had a salad. I tracked that salad and enjoyed it with a nice cold bottle of water. I am going to pick up some groceries and make a plan for the week. I am really going to try to get some more walking in this week because soon there will be snow and I wont be able to walk outside as much!

bummed

Holy crap, My other sister in law is now pregnant too. My husband and I are offically the oldest and only couple in the family without children. This bums me out pretty bad, I have been really wanting children lately even more than before.

I know it isn't possible for us right now. I am still finishing up my teaching degree, have no health insurance, and we are still in debt. Of course both sister in laws are in the same boat but don't care.

I hate being the responsible one. It sucks.

Shredding

Ok so I bailed on the Shredding. I did it on Sunday and my legs are still killing me. I just cannot do it right now, I have too much going to on to be in pain all day! I think it would be different if I weren't on my feet all day chasing the kiddos. Some days I dream of a desk job!

I'm going to keep up my walking and eating within my points. I'll work on the shred another time.

Mini goals!

Oh how I love mini goals! So here are my weekly mini goals!

Track everything, everyday.
DO the shred 5xs (this is going to kill me!)
Walk 5xs (30-60 minutes)

I want to focus this week on using exercise as a tool to relieve stress rather than a cause of stress. I need to schedule it in and think of it as treat. Because the truth is, it is a treat. Some people don't have the ability or choice to exercise. I am able.

For the record I was up .8lb today. But since I was up 1 last week I am really up 1.8lbs. This week I know I will in the least get rid of that 1.8 and hopefully a little more. Well I am off to go make my grocery list so that I can make this happen.

Ready

So to make sure I am back on schedule for my healthy life I made a date. Sounds funny right? Well let me explain. I called up my friend Em and made a date to check out some hiking trails I learned about this week. So in the least, I will get some activity in!

snowball

It has been on e heck of what I call a snowball week.. It all started from my trip last weekend. I didn't track and overate. BY Tuesday I was promising to get back on track. Wednesday through Friday were ...well my week is shot, I'm not going to lose anyways days.

Today has been a just finish it up and get it out of you system kinda day. I will weigh in tomorrow. I think I did a little damage. I'm sure I am up at least 2lbs. Dammit.

Not to worry....motivation is in the mail! I purchased 2 tankini tops and four bottoms! All from the clearance on the Victoria's Secret website for....wait for it....$50 including tax and shipping. Wooowooo! Hopefully they fit and look good. But either way I will always want them to look better so I think it is going to help me focus on healthy eating and exercise.

For the record I feel sick. I feel like I am making myself sick. I am remembering what my life used to be, how I used to always feel full and "hungry" and lazy. I am ready to snap out of this. I am done. Starting now, I am tracking and focusing on healthy eating guidelines.

Wonton wrappers

Today I am making these and I will let ya know what I think about them. One note the recipe calls for ff cheese I went with regular sharp cheddar. I decided that I would bring them to the Halloween party I am going to next weekend but wanted to try them out first.

EDIT They were really good. I personally would add some salt and pepper next time and maybe if I don't mind the extra calories some bacon crumbles. PS the sour cream dip is a must for this recipe. I used Daisy brand sour cream which to me tastes just like full fat sour cream.

I'll take it.

I find it so odd that my weight and measurements haven't changed much but the way my clothes fit is hugely different. I'll take it.

Suckage

I'm kinda sucking this week, but its ok. I am going to get back on track soon. Too much snacking. I'm getting back to working out, starting the shred again. I am going to get my eating together, gotta stop this "my week is shot" state of mind. I will track tomorrow, I will stay within my dailies. I will. I will.

crap day.

Oh what a day. It has been a eat everything, sit on my ass and watch tv kinda day. I feel sick and I want to cry.

This is a crappy day by far but there is a bright side. To start I have felt in control all day. I knew I was over eating but that I was eating relatively healthy things like cereal and portion controlled snacks, I just ate too often. I drank my water and enjoyed everything I ate. It was not binging by any means. In the past it would have meant mcdonalds, ice cream sundaes, and chips with dip.

I made a decision today. I decided that I would eat until I felt satisfied but I simply felt empty all day. I feel yucky now. I could really use a salad haha.

The important point is that I still feel in control. I know that tomorrow I will go back to counting my points and focusing on nutrition. I know that this doesn't mean that I am completely off track. It doesn't mean I should give up, it means that I need to refocus. I am in this until the end, not just until I can't do it anymore. All in all I am ok. Tomorrow is a new day.

stress monkey

I'm feeling so stressed. I think it is all getting to me. There is so much going on with school and my internship. I just feel like I am going to explode.

I have been thinking about my life and so much will be changing in the next year. We are looking to move to a new area which is incredibly different. We are moving up north to a smaller less populated less diverse, more closed minded area.

It isn't ideal but it is where my husband's family lives and we can afford to buy a home there. We have been talking about having children in the next few years, once I finish school, we move, we buy a house, and I get a job. We just cannot afford to live where we are now. Homes in Portland, Maine are so expensive and the taxes are out of this world. We could afford a shack on the train tracks here. Or we can move and live in a nice home and have children.

I'm talking about living a 45 minute drive from the nearest Target/city area. There is a grocery store and one restaurant. Its pretty scary for me. I have never lived in the country. I hope it is the right decision.

I have so much work to do for school and student teaching. I have to do portfolios, teach and record myself teaching! I hate that. I just want to be left alone to teach. I also have 3 grad level methods classes which give me assignments I have to fit into the school day.

To top this all off I am trying to get healthy and lose some weight. I just want so badly to skip ahead a year and be working. I want to find a home and work on building our life. I am sick of this constant state of pressure.

A couple of questions

So I gained a pound this week after my trip. I'm not too shocked and I do think it may have to do with the mcdonalds I had yesterday..hello salt.

TMI alert. I may have some problems keeping things moving and I hate the idea of taking laxatives. I eat loads of fiber, drink my water, and get in activity this should not be a problem. SO question one is do you find that getting in your healthy oils in helps with constipation? I also read that taking magnesium helps move things along too. Any one try this?

I am heading to planned parenthood today to get back on the pill. I am a little nervous. I am really hoping I don't gain a ton of weight getting back on the pill. I hate that I am putting hormones into my body but I think I need the no baby reassurance and I am sick of my face breaking out (I am breaking out due to being off the pill) I haven't been on the pill for about a year. I also hate getting a papsmear like everyone else too of course. Not a fun thing.

I really am feeling stressed out about my internship and about moving and finding a job teaching! I am sick of being observed in the classrom. I am sick of school! BLAH!'

food is not the answer.

I have wanted ice cream for the last hour. I'm not hungry. I keep telling myself....If hunger is not the problem, then food is not the answer. I have also decided that just because I have 1 point left doesn't mean I need to use it. It is 10pm and I am going to be ...without ice cream. Goodnight!

Dinner

So tonight I made some tacos for dinner, nothing special but there was one thing I noticed that was different. I only ate 2. I can remember eating 5 or 6 back in the day and not even blink an eye. I ate 2 tacos and felt full. That is a big change mentally and caloricly! I am liking this new eating style.

This past week I have been doing a lot of changes like this. For example I eat a lot of subway during the week (2-3xs) and I usually get a $5 footlong because it is a good deal and I can eat it. This week however I have been ordering 6inch sandwiches with a bag of sunchips (which I usually save most of for later) and I have felt perfectly content. When I only have the choice of a smaller (but appropriate) portion then I feel full just the same as if I had eaten a larger portion.

I am proud that I have been able to listen to my body and see how it has changed. I don't need as much food anymore, my body is a little smaller and so is my stomach. I am adapting.

Offical weigh in

I stayed the same according to my new scale. According to my old scale I lost 4lbs. I am kinda wishing I didn't buy the new scale, it is almost like gaining 4lbs. I drives me nuts that scales differ so much! I wish I could add those 4 to my total weigh lost because it tells me that when I first weighed in I was actually 4lbs heavier. I worked hard for those 4lbs this week! I feel like I am ripping myself off but using the new scale. SO I plan on getting rid of the old scale donating it to Goodwill so that I can just move on and use the new scale.

Oh well on to other news, it is clear that not eating my flex points worked. I haven't lose 4 lbs since my first week! I am going to try it again this week but since I am going away this weekend I will probably use some then.

Yesterday I got my first mani/pedi. I loved the pedicure! The manicure was nice too but I think that the pedicure was so much more relaxing. I have a lot to do today, homework, housework, and grocery shopping! I hope yoou all have a great Sunday

New scale. good or bad?

So I got my new scale today and did a comparison to my old scale. Let me remind you that I replaced the old scale because it wasn't very accurate it gave a couple different numbers when you stepped on and off it. So when I compared my weight from the old scale to the new scale I saw that the new scale say I am 2lbs heavier which doesn't really bother me except for on little reason. I lost 2 lbs this week (as of yesterday, weigh in is tomorrow) which means when I weigh myself according to the new scale I haven't lost anything!

Ok yes physically I have lost 2lbs but since I am going to be using the new scale only I will have to report that I stayed the same on ww! I realize that the number doesn't matter but it helps to see that I have lost that 2lbs. Also according to Mr. old scale I hit my all time low yesterday of 172, Mr. new scale differs. Well I will offically weigh in tomorrow for the first new scale weigh in and I guess I will just move on from there.

Should not have....

...bought that bag of lindt chocolates. I literally ate the whole bag from 4pm until now. My husband ate 2. Oh dear lord I feel sick.

I didn't work out today either. crap that is not good.

I spent my entire week staying within my daily points so I guess that is good. 5 days on track but it only takes one binge to ruin it. Oh well back on track.