Normal

Now that I have never been one to want to be normal, as a matter of fact my high school yearbook quote was "there is nothing worse than being normal." While I still stand by that in many ways, there is a certain type of normal that I strive for. It is not about being boring or being the same as the person next to you wearing the same outfit as all your friends normal. It is more about body acceptance normal.

There have been times in my adult life that I felt normal and I can remember them all. They all occur about the 170's. I can remember my 22nd birthday when I was on weight watchers and I had gotten down to my all time adult low of 173lbs. I wore my size 12 American Eagle jeans and this green halter top that covered my minimal muffin top perfectly. Another time was trying on bridesmaid dresses with two other very thin girls. I was around 175lbs and since the bride was sick we took pictures together of each dress for her. When I went home and uploaded the pictures I was pleasantly surprised that I looked normal and not like the fat girl of the group.

Over the past 3 years I have felt very much out of place in my own body. Yes, I was pregnant for a chunk of that time but before pregnancy and definitely after I was much larger than 175. Now I am a short girl at 5 foot 2 so even 175 is still quite big on my frame. So imagine 200lbs on my frame, I was drowning and couldn't get out of my own way to lose the weight.

I refuse to blame my child or even pregnancy for my weight gain. I only gained 28lbs while pregnant and 20 of them dropped off within the first month of my son's life. I also have a very supportive husband who is always willing to watch our son so I can work out. It is really all about me and the decisions that I make to change.

So back to feeling normal. I am currently in the 176-178 weight range and starting to get back to feeling normal. Now my end goal is 135 but it is nice to start feeling normal again. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and have the confidence to do everything that I want to do. I want to be in pictures with my son and run around being silly with him without feeling judged. I know that 90% of this is in my head but the mind is an amazing thing.

I am thankful everyday that I have been able to stick with running and that I am working hard at tracking my food to hold myself accountable. I am making changes everyday to be healthier and in turn happier. I just want to feel normal.