Monday, November 30, 2009

10lbs by Christmas!

I want to lose 10lbs before Christmas. My husband has said I can get a mani/pedi if I do! I really really want to do this. I'm going to have to really buckle down and focus but I think it is possible. I know I will have to really push myself to get there, but it is time to do it.

I am off to go do some planning for the week and weekend. I thought about joining a Christmas challenge, anyone know of a good one?

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Need some help

Ok I need your help. Please tell me how you get yourself back on track? How do you refocus your self? I need to stop coasting and start moving in the right direction again. HELP!

I am going on my cruise in 2.5 months!

Sunday, November 22, 2009


I need to get on with it already, enough coasting. Enough doing the bare minimum and getting matching results. I am done screwing around. There is less than 3 months until the cruise! I am heading out of town Tuesday for the week and I will be out of my comfort zone for sure. Which means I need a plan.

Thanksgiving day doesn't worry me so much, not even that there will be 2! It is more of the filler meals I worry about. A bag of chips here, a drive through meal or two there, and not to mention none of my go to foods.

So my plan is to hit up the grocery store when I get there and pick up some food to carry us through the week. I need to stay away from the chips and bags of oreos! I usually bake while I am up there which is fun but cookie dough is not a good thing to eat! I am also making thanksgiving dinner on Friday so that will keep me quite busy.

Overall I think it will be ok, I am really hoping to lose a pound or two while I am there. Its not likely but it would be lovely. I am going to focus on what foods are important and those that I don't get to eat other than at the holidays. SO thats the plan also I will have no internet while I am gone so don't miss me too much!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I felt normal today! I went and tried on matron of honor dresses with a couple of skinny girls and felt normal. We changed in the same fitting room serveral times and zipped each other up. This is one of those girl expiriences that I didn't have before now. I was always too embarassed or uncomfortable. When the sales person asked my size I didn't hesitate. I said 14 or 16, probably closer to a 16. no shame. I found a dress that looks lovely on me and I cannot wait to wear it. For the record the scale was up 2.1lbs today, whatever.

When I look at the pictures from today I realized that I look pretty good, normal sized. Of course I looked bigger than the other 2 girls but not in a shocking way, in a ..we are built differently kind of way. It was really fun! I love love love dresses!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

sheer exhaustion.

People are getting sick. My friend whose wedding I am in thinks she has swine flu. We are going to try on dresses without her tomorrow. I have had a crappy week but I am still excited to try on dresses! I know that even after a week of not doing so well I haven't undone all the progress I have made.

I do have to say I have been feeling exhausted. I'm not sure if it is because I am about to get my period, I haven't gotten enough quality sleep, or that I am getting sick. It also may be because my eating hasn't been very well rounded. I haven't gotten much in for fruits and veggies this week. I'm pretty sure it is due to a mix of all these things.

I was ready for bed at 7:30 last night, I fought it though until about 10. Tonight I think I will try to get to bed by 9. I have been really good about taking my vitamins at least I have that!

Tomorrow starts a new WW week, a better week for sure.

Friday, November 13, 2009

piglet (warning bummed out post ahead)

I ate like a piglet today. I binged, I ate beyond the point of feeling sick, then I ate more. I should know better than to buy a bag of chips and a tub of dip. As a matter of fact I am sitting here right now thinking that I would like to go finish it off.

Instead, I tried on my tankini for the cruise. Not happy with that whole situation. At this point if I do not lose 10-15lbs by February I will need to purchase another suit. Craptastic.

The thing that makes me the most upset is that I am in control of this, I can change this. I really wish I could go back to weight watchers meetings but we just cannot afford it. I am feeling pretty out of control today and I don't like it. I tried cleaning the apt and got somethings done but I still have a long way to go. I wish someone could just slap me and snap me out of this funk.

I'm really tired. I babysat last night and didn't get home until midnight, up at 7 for my internship. This is not helping my situation thats for sure. I am going to pop in a movie and lay in bed. I suck today. I sucked pretty much all week. This is not the state of mind that I need to be in as I head into the holidays. Somethings got to shift.

Bed, Movie, Sleep.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Dear Self

Dear Self,
There are 3 months until your cruise. You have lost 20lbs, Good Job! Your goal was 40lbs, (sad face). You seem to be getting lax in your eating and don't exercise much. Your house is a mess and your workload is ridiculous. This is NOT an excuse to settle. Maybe you won't reach your 40lb goal but you would probably be happy with another 10lbs gone. You are a success because you haven't given up and you are at your lowest adult weight yet. You are worthy of reaching your goals and being healthy. Don't give up on yourself. Start off slow, little steps.

This weekend make a goal of organizing and cleaning your apartment. When that's done sneak up a few Christmas decorations to boost your moral. (tell husband to shut up, it makes you happy and it is almost Thanksgiving anyways) On Sunday you are trying on bridesmaid dresses, enjoy yourself and embrace the changes in your body. Set yourself up to win going in to the holidays.

You are worth it, do it for yourself. Keep up the good work.

Your Self

I'm not going to lie, I feel much better and more in control after writing that letter to myself. Give it a try. Love you all!

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Holy moly! I looked back at my weight loss and while for the most part it is a downward slide it still shocked me to see how long it takes me to lose! On average I lose 1-2 lbs and then nothing for 3 to 5 weeks! This is a little messed up! I need to figure out how to get some consistent weight loss. It seems almost like I have no control. Whether I eat all my points, just my dailies, my activity it doesn't seem to give me a consistent result. I know this becasue I looked back on the weeks that I lost and they were all different.

For a control freak like it this is rough. I want an answer, someone to tell me what to do. I know I'm not going to get one. I just have to keep going and focus on making good choices. For the record it also seems the more I work out the less I lose!

Please I know its not muscle, we are talking I go to Zumba the next day I have gained a pound. Sometimes I wish I could just skip the scale but I need the validation.

I know everyone has days when they just want to scream. Today is my day. I am literally going to scream then I am going to move on. I am going to go to zumba, I am going to go for a run this week, and I am going to count every freaking point that goes into my mouth.

I want to hit the 160's by Thanksgiving. That is 3.3lbs. That is my goal. How will I get there?

1. eat breakfast, take vitatmins, and flax oil.
2. Eat at home
3. Zumba, run, and walk.

If you made it this far in this post thank you for listening. I won't let you down. I have not been this close to the 160's since 2001. I will get there this month, I want it so bad. I need to keep my eye on the prize baby!


So while reading Andrea's blog I saw that she was fast approaching the dreaded 20 minute run week of c25k. Me being the dummy that I am challenged her that if she kept going that I would start running again. Guess what happened ! She did it! I am so proud. BUUUUUTT that means now I have to hold up my end of the bargain.

My stomach is still feeling a little queasy so I haven't started running yet. But I will! I promise. It is on my list of things to do this week!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Get it together!

Ok so this may not be entirely about weight loss but I'm sure there is a connection.

I need to get it together. I am so lucky, I have everything I need and a great husband. Sure we struggle with money sometimes, I am to busy, and I am stressed.

None of this will change. I just need to get it together.

So to start I need to get some school work done, planned, and feel accomplished. I need to schedule and know I will have designated times to get all this work done.

I need to organize my house and keep it that way. This is an unneeded stress in my life.

I need to start the writing diet, which will help me express my feelings and clear my head.

I need to schedule some regular activity, I have already started with Zumba but I would like to get some running back in my life.

I really need to reconnect with my husband. I am cranky, I don't want to be around him and he doesn't deserve to be treated like that. He is so good to me but I just tend to want to be alone a lot when I am stressed. I am a control freak and I know that plays a part in wanting to be alone and work through things on my own. I'm not sure how to change this other than to do the things list above to cut the stress and let me feel in control.

Its a lot to do. I am going to start with conquering some school work today since I am home sick. It is the perfect time to catch up. This weekend I will work on cleaning the house, maybe getting a run in, and starting to read the writing diet book.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


I came home from school sick today. My tummy hurts but no pig flu don't worry. But being as clever as I am I decided that since I am sick and dont want to make dinner that I should eat the ww soup that is in my pantry. Should is a funny word. Instead of the soup, I ordered pizza. Its on it's way. Probably not the best choice but I'll own it. I want it, I'm tired, crabby, and I will count it.

Monday, November 2, 2009


Tonight was my first Zumba class. I have to say I spent a little bit of time feeling foolish, missing steps, stopping regrouping and trying again. It wasn't hard but I am the type that if I get out of rhythm I have to take that time to stop and start again. The woman leading the class made some really good comments (to the class not just me) that helped me through my awkwardness. She said things like " I know you think you look really silly right now but you don't!" and " focus on the music don't worry about the steps".

The verdict is that I am going back on Wednesday! I think that once I get the steps down I will be able to feel more confident in going.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


I am going to ZUMBA tomorrow!! It is my first time and I am really really excited and realy really freaked out! I have never done a exercise class and I have terrible coordination! I hope I can keep up!

Queen of the Plateau

I know I have written about this before but I feel like it is worth repeating. I've have finally given in to the pattern of my weight loss. I am Queen of the Plateau. I usually plateau for 2-3 weeks before I lose maybe for a couple weeks. It sucks.

It is unfair, sucky, and not at all cool. The truth is that, it is what it is. I know this was a reason that I have given up on myself before. I feel like I can accept the plateau knowing that eventually I will lose again. And that is what it is all about. As long as the number on the scale is getting smaller then its all good.

Thoughts and reactions like this, make me realize how much this time is different. I know that I am going all the way this time. I am not freaking out anymore when the scale goes up or if I go over my points. This is my life.


I was down 3lbs this week! I am down to my lowest weight 173.6!