The bike is here!

Love it!

I do have to say I forgot how hard riding is! What a great workout!!! I have gone out for a couple of very short rides. On my first ride out I totally wiped out and skinned both my knee and elbow. Sure it hurt but I think my pride was far more wounded! It turns out the tires were very under low on air so off I went to go get a tire pump. After that it was much better, no more falls so far.

My goal is to get out on the bike everyday, increasing my distance and conquering the hills on my street. I also plan to make a basket for the front of the bike. It is a one speed bike which I love and hate. I like the simplicity but I am not so sure about the foot brakes. I will update more tomorrow!

Tomorrow

I should get my bike tomorrow! It is scheduled to be delivered sometime tomorrow I am thinking probably in the evening. I am very excited in case you cannot tell ; ) I am going to try to remember to weigh in tomorrow morning. Honestly it has been a couple weeks since I remember weighing in. There is probably a reason for that...the number wasn't pretty. I hadn't hit 200 but it was scary close.

I am feeling pretty lousy in my body lately. My clothes aren't fitting and I am not confident in myself at all. My belly is just soo big and I hate it. I am in constant fear of strangers asking if I am pregnant. Its just how I carry my weight. I should be glad I don't gain in other places but instead I live in fear of the embarrassment of people asking if I am prego. Yes it has happened before, 5 times. Humiliating.

I just want to get back to that place where I felt comfortable in my body. Sure I still wanted to lose weigh but we I was in my low 170's I felt really good. I was happier and more confident. I was proud of my accomplishments. I don't know how I got back here. I mean I don't know at what point I lost control of it.

I am not going to cry or say why me. Instead I am going to make some changes. Starting with my bike. I am going to make a conscious effort to ride everyday for at least 30 minutes. I am also going to try to pay more attention to what and how much I eat. No really structured plan of eating at first. I am focusing on activity first.

It is time to take care of my health. I have focused on school, the move, and the new house. Now it is time to focus on health. I will post some pics of the new bike tomorrow (hopefully)!

Choices

SO I was at the grocery store today thinking about what to buy to snack on this week. I have very little room in my grocery budget after the bbq yesterday and walked over to the chip aisle to grab a bag. Then something happened, I stopped turned and and walked to the carrots haha. Yep I decided that I would have some baby carrots instead (with left over ranch dip from the bbq) I thik I will be happier with them than the bag of chips.

In other news I was also checking out the bike helmets and was pretty disapointed. They seem to all be very masculine or have Dora the Explorer on them. Hrmm. So my question is....Do you wear a helmet when you ride? What do you like about it or hate about it (besides the whole save your brain thing)?

Bike

Hey all sorry that I have been pretty MIA lately. The past couple weeks have been kind of tough with lots of changes and family issues. But for a change of pace how about good news! My bike is ordered and should be here this week! YAY! My husband was able to work the budget to cover it and some friends and family contributed. I cannot wait!!

For those of you who missed the previous bike post. Here is picture!

Need to slow down.

I got a speeding ticket 2 days before my birthday...which is today. Money is so tight that I just want to cry. My fear is that I just lost my chance to get my bike. My heart is broken. I am too scared of the answer to ask the hubby about it. Well tomorrow is pay day so I guess we will see if he surprises me.

I really want my bike but if it means that we will be financially strapped then I understand its for the best to wait. Being without a job stinks. I hate having to depend on my husbands paycheck.

I feel like this bike could really be a great way to kickstart my weightloss again. I just hope it works out!

Birthday wishes

This

life goes on

So as the title says life is going. I am still looking to find a job, although not as hard as I should be. We are feeling more settled in the house, all of the little fixes are done and now we have to start saving for the big jobs. Right now our bedroom is in the dining room and our upstairs is unused until we get the drywalling done.

My 28th birthday is coming up August 11th and I am asking for a bike. We really don't have the money but I fell in love with a beautiful pink Schwinn cruiser while picking up groceries at Walmart the other day. I have been wanting a bike for a couple of years now. Before now we were in a third floor apartment with no room for bike storage but now we have a garage!! I think of all presents this is at least a productive one. We are also now on a great road for biking so that is a plus.

Once I get my bike all I need is to convince the husband that he needs a bike!

I'm back.

Hi guys. I am now living in the new house, in the new town, and looking for a new job. I have been living here for almost 2 weeks without a fridge or stove so needless to say eating has not been good. We have been eating a lot of dollar menu fast food. If you visited by house blog you can see I have been very busy renovating on a budget. That means a lot of activity.

The husband and I have decided that once the fridge and stove are in we are back to healthy eating. It will be a challenge with such a tight food budget but I think with a little planning I can make it work. We did buy a small charcoal grill which will make some yummy and healthy food.

The new stove and fridge are dream items for me. Our last apartment had a fridge that wouldn't even keep popsicles frozen and produce barely stood a chance 2 days after purchase. Our old stove burnt everything on the outside and left it uncooked on the inside. I feel really good that we got the appliances that we really wanted not just what was cheapest. I am very excited to see my stainless steel beautiful appliances. I had planned on purchasing an inexpensive glass top electric stove but ended up going with an upgraded version with a larger burner option and is self cleaning. I am so excited for my side by side fridge with ice and water in the door which we got $500 under the retail price due to the fact that it is the floor model. I cannot wait!

So while I do not plan on jumping on any specific plan (like ww or calorie count) but rather to eat foods that are less processed and watching my portions. I think that that will be a great start. I have to say I am feeling really motivated by my fellow health bloggers like Andrea Kerry and Sheryl I am just not feeling healthy right now and I miss how I felt 20lbs ago. I was so happy and proud. I was really building myself back up and enjoying life. I was loving the new clothes I could wear and I miss having more positive shopping experiences. I love clothes.

So that is where I am right now, ready to make some change.

House blog

Since my weight lose is pretty much nonexistent why not check out my house blog lol. This is why I haven't been blogging much. Busy busy busy.

http://livingdownbytheriver.wordpress.com/

You may have noticed....

that I cannot seem to get myself together. I am on the gain. I struck in at 187 yesterday. I am feeling really ashamed and sad. I have no excuse for this. I don't even have a job or classes, which is part of the problem. I have no reason to get up and move around.

I am eating pretty normally not super high calorie foods but I am gaining rapidly. So rapidly in fact that I had to take a pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't pregnant. My stomach has pushed out at the top under my breasts in a way that really freaked me out. Test was negative. I am just fat. It makes you realize how much you move around in a typical work day.

Nothing fits, I am back in my old clothes that were too big before and now they are snug. I used to feel like I was more average but now I am feeling like the big girl again. 187 on and 5'1 girl is not healthy. It is far too big, I don't like how I feel and look. It is making me very unhappy.

I realize this sounds like a wah wah wah post but I am not looking for poor me comments. I just felt the need to be honest with you. I am feeling broken right now. Money is tight and that makes me feel guilty for buying produce, we are getting by with a lot of boxed foods right now.

I'm sorry if this is a downer post. I'm sorry I cannot be motivating to you. All I can be is honest. I don't understand how I got back here, how I let myself gain it all back again. I thought I would never be in the 180's again but here I am steam rolling back into the 190's if I don't do something. I was so happy when I hit 173, I felt so good about myself. I want to get back there, I will get back there, I must.

I make plans, I ignore them. Maybe I don't want it badly enough. For the record I am still reading blogs everyday. I am still living vicariously through all of your successes. Now I need to live through my own success.

So here I am counting points. I am the MOH in a wedding on Saturday so that will be my first challenge, getting through a wedding weekend. I am getting my head back in the game. I can do this, I have done it before. I will not give up, when I have make a poor choice I will track and move on. no more all or nothing. I will start by tracking everything.

Writing diet.

I am going to start the writing diet (by Julia Cameron) tomorrow, obviously along side the usual weight watchers points.

The basic idea from what I see (I have only started reading the book, it is step by step) is that you are working in emotional eating. The start is that you do writing in the morning that is thoughts. Flowing words with no focus on punctuation or creating a story. It is a way to just get out all the ideas in your head.

I have had the book for a few months and at the time I got it I was in school and doing my internship and getting up 30 minutes early in the morning to write just wasn't justifiable to me. I needed the sleep more. Now that I am jobless until the move I think I can swing it. I have also been really slacking at getting up in the morning. I have been sleeping in until 10 everyday. I cannot believe I just admitted that. I am going to nip that tomorrow also. I will be up at 8.

I am a big time emotional/boredom eater so I am hoping that the writing diet will help with that. I am also dealing with a lot of different feelings right now. I am jobless and out of school which is a new thing for me. We are in the process of buying our first home and moving 3 hours away. I cannot therefore get a job until we are moved. We are really strapped for money right now due to saving for our house and my lack of employment. I have things to do though. I could be packing and cleaning. I could take my dog to the beach or park.

Instead of doing those things I am waking up late, watching tv until dinner time and the making dinner. Then tv and bed. What a waste. Things have got to change. I am starting with getting up earlier and writing. I also have a job interview on Monday for a daycare in the new town. It would be a good job until I find a teaching job. I miss working with the kids already!

Well I will write again soon, I hope you are all doing much better than me!

Homes

Trying to buy a home sucks. I will probably continue to be a crappy blogger for the next month. I still counting points and I will really try to keep updated. PS I am trying to remember to turn to exercise to deal with this stress as opposed to food. Lets see if I can come out of this house buying deal thinner.

*hangs head in shame*

I lied. I tried to do the whole 30 day shred with out the dvd but that just didn't happen. Instead of making that super healthy choice I instead proceeded to eat a ton of crap, buy crappy groceries, and sit on my ass.

I could just leave it at that but really I want to point out the whole truth. I bought ice cream, cheetos, BBQ chips and dip, hot dogs (full fat), ramen noodles, more ice cream with hot fudge, pizza, and bacon cheese burgers with fries (obviously). Wow.

Now typically even on my worst ww weeks I would eat maybe 2 of those things tops. I set myself up to fail with those crappy groceries, and I knew what I was doing. It all started with getting the bigger bridesmaid dress and knowing I could lay off the dieting. Snowball big time.

Even worse since I am not working I do nothing all day but sit on my butt watching tv. How sad is that? This has got to stop.

The 30 day shred should come tomorrow (netflicks) SO I can start then. I sub at my old school in the afternoon too.

I look at houses on Wednesday (3 hours away) so that will probably be a no go day but I will definitely get a work out in looking at 10+ houses. I am going to focus on doing something everyday even if it is just a 30 minute walk that is so much more than what I am doing now.

So I may not shred today but I will get out and walk a bit....right now.

30 day shred

I have decided to try the 30 day shred again. Since I am not working or in school right now I have no excuse! I will be doing it 30 days straight with the exception of 2 travel weekends (I will make those days up too) I wanted to start tomorrow but I realized that my husband packed all of our DVDs and sent them up to his parents (geez thanks dear). I put it at the top of my netflicks list and I should get the dvd by Wednesday.

I could just say that I will start then but since I have already done the dvd many times that I will just find the intervals online and do my best without Jillian yelling at me, lol. I don't want to lose momentum, so I will start tomorrow!

I will post my measurements tomorrow. One huge perk is that in one month after completing the 30 days it will be time for the wedding that I am in.

I feel like I have been so uncommitted to my health lately. I need to accomplish something, to prove to myself that I can do this. There is no excuse to not fit in a 20 minute workout. Feel free to beat me up (with words lol) if I don't post that I did it!

The end

SO today I passed my Teaching portfolio presentation which means that as soon as I get my (hopefully passing) test score I will be a certified k-8 teacher. Wow. I did 2 presentations today, the last of my school work, my last class. I am officially no longer a student....what now?


No seriously what the heck do I do with the remaining 2 months in this town. I can't get a job with only 2 months to offer them. I have been toying with the idea of moving up early alone and getting a job, leaving my husband alone. He is not fond of this idea.

If I stay I guess I will have plenty of time to focus on my weight loss. I can pack up the house. I can....I don't know! I am planning on volunteering some time at public school that I did my internship in. The kids will love it.

Wow, I am no longer a student. Wow I made it. Wow now I have to find a job.

lost

Hey guys I can tell I have been a particularly bad blogger as of late because my follower count is down. Oops sorry. I guess I have just been taking care of other business in my life. Finishing up school, looking for a house, looking for a job, and being the maid of honor in a wedding in June has just kept me super busy. SO I am trying to find my focus again and I will try my best to get back to blogging.

I picked up my dress for the wedding, yes the one I had to get in a bigger size. I am still beating myself up for ordering a size down to begin with. But anyways I have the new size, it zips but it could fit a little more comfortably. So of course I am trying to refocus on weight watchers. I am still signed up for the online program and I will weigh in tomorrow.

I am feeling a little bit of a failure with my getting back on the wagon. I keep trying but I also keep giving up. I have got to invest in myself.

I tried getting back into running this week and I have decided that running is not going to work for me. Now this isnt me giving up but truthfully at this weight I think it is too much for my ankle. I broke my ankle about 9 years ago in a car accident and had 2 surgeries on it. One put a screw in and another to take it back out again! So the day after I run I usually have a lot of pain.


So instead of running I will focus on walking. I think that just getting more active will be hugely beneficial at this point. I know in the past I have thought that walking was a "wimpy" form of exercise and that it doesn't do enough to make a difference but the end result is that I just end up doing nothing. Compared to nothing, walking is an improvement lol.

So there it is. I am refocusing and I am going to blog more. I promise!!

back to reality

SO I ran today. Well I guess it would be called half running. I did some 1 minute intervals of running. I am glad I did it and I am going to really try to keep it up. I know I have tried so many times before to run but I end up giving up. I really want to be a runner so badly, sometimes I feel like I am just not built for it.

On another note I am in the home stretch of school. I am finishing up my unit and unit presentation today (fingers crossed) and tomorrow is portfolio work/ presentation. I am really hoping I can get those done because I have my teaching certification test on Saturday which I need to do some studying for! BUSY week. Oh yeah the test is 2.5 hours away and at 7:30 AM!! I will be staying at a friends house at the half way point so I will only have to drive about an hour that morning.

Oh yeah and on Sunday, we are looking at 8 houses! Yikes.