Long time no post!

Sorry I haven't been posting much, life took over! I haven't been focusing too much on diet but just making good choices. BUT that will definitely be on the back burner now because I'M PREGNANT!! So excited! I only found out today but I feel safe sharing it here!!

Sorry MIA

Life is not fair or kind right now. Weight loss is on the back burner. I am struggling through winter blues, money woes, and job dissatisfication. I don't want to post negative nancy posts so instead I am just reading other blogs.

snow snow go away.

I've lost myself again. NO I am not eating all crazy but I am not tracking. If you live in a cold climate you can probably understand when I say that this weather is killing my soul. I literally feel like the life is being sucked out of me. I have the "winter blues" and I cannot seem to climb out the the depression. I am cranky and pretty much miserable to be around. I hate it. I know I am acting cranky but I just cannot snap out of it. I just feel like I don't care about anything, I want to sleep all the time, and be left alone. It drives me even more nuts just knowing that I can see how I am acting but still cannot change it. I just feel so alone.

I need to stop and take control. I know that I just need to make a change, set some goals, and make some concrete plans. This weekend is dedicated to making some plans for the renovations on the house that we will be making using our tax return. Putting monetary values on the jobs and setting dates for action. I tracked my food today and will track tomorrow.

Something has got to change.

Sorry I am MIA

I have been very busy due to a new member of the family.

Perfect uterus

I may be chunky but my Dr. told me that I have "a perfect uterus". So I am happy.

NOTE: no my Dr. didn't say I am chunky lol.

Winter blues

Hey guys, sorry I have been such terrible blogger this year month week. I am seriously battling some winter blues. As you may have gleamed from previous posts, I live in the freezing long wintered state of Maine. After Christmas passes it can be really tough to deal with the cold and snow mentally, physically, and emotionally.

It is really hitting me this year. It doesn't help that the house we bought has basically no isulation, when the lying bastards sellers claimed it was very well insulated. So we keep the thermostat at 68 degrees and the house tends to sit at a toasty 58 to 60 degrees. Yes we could turn the heat up but our oil bill is already more than our mortgage, so we don't. I spend my time at home bundled up in sweats, wearing socks with slippers, and buried under blankets. Sounds pretty freakin depressing doesn't it?

Well we are pushing through only 3ish month left of it! We are hoping that our tax return will provide us with enough money to insulate, since we had future plans to tear out all the cracked plasterboard upstairs and the panelling downstairs. It is just more of a neccessity now. Lucky for us we have some family willing to help and show us how to do it. It is going to be a big mess and a lot of work but in the end we will be warmer next winter and our house will have more equity.

So that is where I am right now. I hope for school to be cancelled for snowdays but also hope it doesn't because I need the hours and don't want any more snow. Since school wasn't cancelled today I better go get dressed before I am late!

circle of plans

There are many things that I have attempted, put effort into, and then quit. I find myself having difficulty sticking to my plans. Maybe my plans are too rigid, maybe I give up too easily. In the end I just long to try again. I still want to be an early riser. I still want to work out in the morning I love the way it makes me feel). I still want to stop drinking diet coke. I still want to get healthy before pregnancy.

They all seem to involve each other. If I drank less diet coke, I could sleep better and rise earlier. If I got up earlier I would have time to work out before work. If I did all of these things I would be heading towards a healthier pregnancy.

SO where to start? I think that the first step is to cut back on my diet coke consumption which I would be doing once I am pregnant anyways. Along with that I am going to set my alarm 15 minutes earlier next week. How is that for a start?

Emotional

Wow last night was a tough night. I had a bit of a melt down about finances, more specifically student loan debt that is going into repayment. It is really overwhelming and I am not sure how I am supposed to live and pay them back. Especially since I have such a low paying job at the school, not that teachers make a lot but as an ed tech I make less than half what a teacher makes. SO last night I sulked, sobbed, and went to bed. My husband assures me that it will be ok but I just can't fathom paying $500 a month for the rest of my life basically. Especially when my take home is $600 bi weekly.

I just want to start a family and live a modest life. I don't need much but I don't want my child to feel like they went without like I did. I don't want them to avoid playing basketball because we cannot afford the shoes or not go to prom because they know we don't have money for a dress. That was my experience and I don't want that for my child. I want them to have what they need.

I know this isn't really health related but it is connected. Emotionally I was in a really bad place. I am still coming out of it. I realize I am lacking control. I am going to try to turn that need for control into my health. I can control what I eat and how I work out. I can control my choices.

lost but not losing.

I am feeling a bit mad at myself today. I am irritated that I paid the money for 3 moths of ww online and I am not really using it. I am wasting the money. I need to get back into the swing of things again. Every year I say that the holidays aren't going to ruin my health progress but they do. Why? Well because I let them. I then struggle to get back to my healthy ways.

I need to get back. I am really half assing this and if I am going to do it I need to really be all in. This is my time to refocus.

Back to school

Well I am back to work this week and it is truly kicking my butt. I am TIRED! But I am also tracking, pretty honestly and trying to get my water in. I started getting up earlier than before to allow myself some blogging/coffee time in the morning which is nice. No more stressful rushing to start my day.

Work is proving to have some real curveballs for the next month or so, one of the ed techs that I work with is leaving. I know that people change jobs all the time but when working with kids with autism it is especially hard to make the transition. Just to add to the stress the students are dealing with coming back from a 2 week break. Yeah did I mention I am tired : )

3lbs

Okay so I am up 3lbs this week, I think Christmas caught up with me. It doesn't help that I am at the end of my period. I have also been drinking copious amounts of diet coke and pretty much no water. This week I will focus on water intake and tracking. I have already started tracking today and will be attempting to drink at minimum 60oz of water everyday.

The water will be a challenge because I work with special needs kids and I cannot just run to the bathroom when I am at school. SO I plan on drinking one bottle while at school, one when I get home (2pm), and one with dinner. I find that by planning my water intake around certain events in my day I am much more likely to remember.

So thats the plan for this week, no lbs lost goal but life change goals.

2011

I have so many goals and just basic things I want to accomplish this year. Few are actually weight related which makes me happy. My long term goals will not be about losing weight, that is really short term material. Saying I want to lose 50lbs this year is not reasonable, saying I will track for a week is.

So although this is a weight loss blog I want to put some of the more life centered goals out there too. - I want to get my house more finished, I am tired of feeling pulled down by all of the house to dos. This spring we will pull down all of the cracked plasterboard upstairs and reinsulate, redrywall, and put down new carpet. We will restructure our stairs so that they are not so steep and shallow.

Now in connection to the house changes, we are going to be preparing for another big change. We are planning on getting pregnant this summer. Well I am getting pregnant lol. Hopefully we will be successful this summer! If all works out right, I will have my 3 months family medical leave (unpaid) and the summer off with a new baby. But I know that things don't always go as planned but I can hope.

I really would like to get healthy before I get pregnant though I know that it will only help me out! So I have 2 more month of weight watchers online to get me going. Running has been put on hold through the holidays but I am going to get back on the horse this week. If not today then tomorrow. I am not feeling great this morning so we will see how I feel this afternoon.

So confusing, a holiday of loss.

A .5 lb loss that is. I don't know how it is possible but I lost weight over Christmas. What make this more confusing is that I did not track, exercise, or eat well. I know I should be happy and just move on but this bothers me because in a tracking week I lose the same. Does it mean that I am not eating enough fat in my regular diet or that I need to eat all of my weekly points? Does it mean that running is making we weigh in more for some reason? Am I eating too much fruit? Yeah that one really worries me.

Who knows for now I am just trying to get on track and count points. I am thinking that having one high point day a week is probably a good idea for my metabolism, just to keep out of a rut. I am trying to get back in the swing of things. Wish me luck!

Fix it Quick!

I can feel my motivation slipping and many things are playing into it. Firstly, I am home on school break and that kills my eating patterns. Secondly, I only lost 1/2 lb this week when I thought it was going to be more. Thirdly Christmas is around the corner and that means food, food, food. I have been half ass tracking. You know that tracking where you say ok I used about 33 points and so you post food, 33 points. Not itemizing like you are supposed to. Its actually kind of funny since I have more spare time to track since I am not working. At one point I thought "well I will just not do ww this week and get back on track next week. Not a good idea.

So I need to address my issues now before I lose it. SO Firstly, I need to set an eating schedule in my day. I will eat breakfast when I get up, Lunch at 12 and dinner. My plan is to try to stick to fruit as snacks as much as possible. Secondly, I will focus on how I feel not how much I lost. Thirdly, I will focus on tracking each food and not doing bulk numbers. Fourthly, I will keep up with my running schedule.

I will say I had success at the grocery store yesterday. I really wanted to buy come potato chips and reached for them multiple times but then I put them back. You see, I know that if they are not in my house then I cannot eat them and if they are in my house then I will absolutely eat them. Instead I bought some delicious oranges.

I also make cookies last night. It is a recipe that I love for pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. They are 2 points according to the recipe builder. I decided to try a new substitution and traded the 1/2 cup of oil for a 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce. They turned out GREAT! It dropped the points to 1 per cookies, a points+ steal!

I have also really made an attempt to clean up/organize the house. It makes a huge difference in my stress level, having a clean house. Plans for the rest of the day include picking up the ingredients for my famous pulled pork and coleslaw that I am bringing to the family Christmas party, finish laundry, and run. WIsh me luck!

Baby loss

I only lost .2 this week which was a big surprise for me since I had 13 weekly and 11 activity left over. I spent my week dodging treats and choosing fruit but all I got was a .2 loss. What a bummer. I find that after I run I have a little bit of water retention and I ran yesterday. I am hoping to see a better loss next week. I am not going to lie I am a little disappointed since I really counted and weighed my foods.

This week is Christmas, full of celebrations and food. I am not freaking out because really it is just one day mainly that I need to worry about. Since I had a small loss this week I was hoping for a bigger loss next week but the more I think about it I realize a true goal would be to maintain. I am going to enjoy some food and keep my goal in mind. Lucky for me I don't drink much. I do have a dinner on Tuesday with my best friend who is up from Florida and her little sister who just turned 21.

So I hope you all enjoy your holiday and here is to maintaining.

wk2 run2

Week 2 run 2 of couch to 5k is done today. I always fight myself to run but once I start I love it. It is so challenging. I just love the way I feel when I am finished a running interval. Strong. But it has been a very long day so now I am exhausted and ready for bed!

Great day

I spent my morning getting family pictures done with my husband's side of the family. It was our first group picture together. It was his brother's family (wife and 2 boys) and his sister's family (fiancee and baby girl), my husband and I. The kiddos are really little so it was quite an ordeal to get smiles and no blinking eyes. In the end we got a pretty good shot of the group and one of each family to put in a frame for my inlaws as a Christmas present.

I had a great day today food/exercise wise. I ate within my points and did my run 1 week 2 of couch to 5k. It was a challenge but I think I can do it this time. I really didn't want to run, I was feeling really exhausted. I decided to get my running clothes on, even my sneakers and see if it would motivate me to just do it. And it worked. It is so funny that once you get dressed and moving it is easy to decide to keep going.

It is the week before Christmas break for our school. So it should be 5 days of hell lol. Kids will be crazy and out of sorts, especially since I work in the special education room. Change is really hard for my students. Wish me luck!