Whats the plan Stan?

I am feeling a little renewed today after a long sleep in this morning. I am feeling pretty positive about this summer even though I start my summer class tomorrow! I have scheduled my work/classes no earlier than 9 and I will have thursdays, fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays OFF!!!

That is pretty amazing to know that I will be able to have some time to myself this summer and to focus on my health/weight loss.

I have really come to determine that what I really want is not a number on the scale but rather to be seen as and feel like a healthy person. It would be lying to say I wont be thrilled to lose the pounds but I don't want it to be the focus which is another reason that I am not going back to weight watchers. I however do think that I will use the points system on my own.

Those of you who read my blog regularly will know that I have been bouncing back and forth with the whole counting points v. calories v. just eating healthy. I have given the last two a try and they aren't working for sure so it is back to points for me.

Tomorrow I am not working in the morning so I will go out and buy the healthy groceries I need to boost my weight watchers start. Tomorrow is the day that I start ww again for then umm the 7th time but hey a start is a start.

There are a lot of things that I want to do differently this time around
1. cut down on coffee
2. get up early to eat breakfast
3. exercise regularly in the mornings
4. Make it a lifestyle change not a diet
5. focus on health not just pounds- plateaus are usually the downfall point where I give up
6. back to blogging

Graduation Day

Ahh so I graduated today. Talk about a long long day. Lots and lots of emotional family junk happened but overall it was ok. I really enjoyed spending some time with my inlaws they took us out for dinner last night and again tonight (on a related note eating has been pretty bad).

My own mother on the other hand left right after I walked acrossed the stage and I didnt even get a chance to see her. I was really disappointed seeing all my friends with thier mothers having to explain that mine was already gone. I didnt even see her before graduation because she was so late getting there. She didn't even see anything wrong with leaving early to pick up balloons for my neices birthday that was 3 hours later in the day. I almost cried but was able to stop myself. I just don't get it. I am her FIRST child to graduate from college. Thanks for even more emotional baggage mother.

I am just glad that I had my inlaws there to support me, I am truely blessed in that way.

So as I said before I haven't been eating well the past couple days but the scale was down this morning...go figure. As for plans for this coming week I plan on cutting my morning coffees down to 2 a week, saving money and calories. I also plan on getting my house organized so that I can be ready to get back on a more healthy track.

So here we go, another week, another attempt at being a healthier me.

Last final tomorrow morning YAY!! Graduation is Saturday then my first summer class starts on Monday...no rest for the wicked I suppose.

I have been sticking to the eat well plan, nothing regimented but just trying to make good choices and it hasn't helped or hurt me so far. Next week back to a real loss plan....which one, that I do not know. Most likely weight watchers but this time I am really going to hit it with the exercise too. I have never really been able to marry the two, food and exercise but this summer I will have more free time up until August when my internship starts so here is to a good summer.

Wish me well tomorrow, fortunitly I calculated that I only need a 30 on this exam to get the grade I need so not too high pressure but it is essay format so hopefully I dont go blank!!!

HEYYYY there.....

Soo I'm mixing things up yet again. I know that you are all going to be shocked, I am going back to weight watchers. The program but not the meetings. I really dont want to spend the money on the meetings when we are so strapped for money, especially with me not working next year due to my internship.

I wish I could say that I feel strong about doing this on my own but I don't. I wish I could say "yes I will succeed this time and lose 65 pounds" but I really don't feel like I can. I know that there are probably a lot of people who would say that that is the wrong attitude for attacking such a big feat but its my honest feeling. Counting calories is just leaving too much room for error, I think oh I'm only 500 calories over my budget but when you look at it as points that is like 10 points over! Points just seem to mean more to me.

I have always had trouble with getting obsessed with points then getting irritated because counting calories is more real because bottom line is calories in and calories out right?

I feel like I have had so many starts and fails, but I know that I haven't given up. I just need to go full force because staying on plan 3 or 4 days a week just doesn't cut it. I need to give it my all.

Sooo here's the plan I am going to work on getting back on the weight watchers track starting tomorrow then as soon as finals are done I am going to start running again.

I will be going into work a little later this summer so I will have that extra free hour without even getting up any earlier! bonus. Also after finals I am going to start walking to work once or twice a week to give it a try, thats 30 minutes walking each way. Yeah an hour of cardio down a big hill then of course up it on the way home!

Just get me through this first week back on plan and through finals!!

I just wanted to let you all know that the more I read your blogs the more I know that I need to take care of myself. You are all amazing in your accomplishments and flaws. Even on your worst days you are there saying this is what happened, this is how I feel, and this is my plan. Thank you so much for being there for me. AND thank you to all of you still commenting on my blog, I don't deserve such loyalty! I will make it up to you soon I promise, finals are almost over!!

Guess who's face is getting fat?

Yeah it's mine. I guess I am ready to refocus because what I am doing now is simply not working. I haven't been counting my calories very well but I am still very reluctant to go back to points. AHH why can't I just stick with something for once in my life!

I have been fighting my weight for 15 years! I have never felt comfortable in my body since childhood. I know that I am worth it and that I want it but I just can't get it together. I have had a million motivating situations, my wedding, graduation, vacations to name a few.

To snack or not to snack, planned meals that I dont want to eat. I am too picky! Nothing looks good, or tastes good when I pack it. I spend all day long on campus and I have to carry it all with me hoping that it stays fresh and cold. Eating on campus is impossible everything is terrible!

I am feeling pretty stressed with finals coming up and graduation is in two weeks. I kind of want to cry. I feel like I cannot conquer this right now but I know that I have to. WHAT TO DO?

I can't seem to find the balance that I need.

Randomness

So I am feeling a little lost this lately. School has and will continue to be nuts for a while longer and I am feeling like I am just floating along. I am enjoying trying to eat healthy and not freak out about calories or points but it is not working for me weight wise. I am sticking around the same number but every week or two I go up half a pound. Not good.

I am thinking about having slimfast for part of my lunch just to simplify life. I plan to pack something along side it too but I am having a hard time being motivated to pack salads or sandwiches and at least the slimfast will get in my vitamins. I realize that slimfast isnt a way of life but it might help me along for a bit.

On the exercise front I bought some good walking flipflops so that I can be comfortable but still ready for a stroll on my breaks if I can. They are Nike and they are comfy! One pair black, one pink, sorry about the poor pic, I used my photobooth app because I was too lazy to get out my camera.

SO that is where i am right now, just trying to get through my classes until Graduation on May 16th. Then of course I start my masters work. I will try to be around more posting, I hope that you are all doing well!!

Hi

Hi I am still here I swear! Sorry for being so MIA but school is simply kicking my butt, I will be back soon!

Guess who..

Got invited to be in her sister in laws wedding in January. So my sil is a size umm well 0 and my other sil is in the wedding to, who is someone that is always trying to compete with me. SO I am feeling like I need to get my bum moving on this weight loss thing. There is nothing worse to make you feel fat than a bridesmaid dress, especially when 3 other people will be wearing the same thing, and you are the biggest. Don't wanna go there, gotta nip this in the bud.

Obviously I am not going to just drop the weight because I am in the wedding that stuff never works for me. But I will always take a little more motivation.

Since my ww membership is offically up tomorrow I am trying to make a decision about it. I may sign back up on Saturday and pay week to week until I am 100% sure about my plans.

To be honest I just wish I could weigh in every other week so my focus isn't 100% on lbs, I would rather focus on health. I think that my major downfall in weight loss is focusing on weight instead of learning to eat healthy. Although I know that in some ways weighing in keeps me honest.

Ah I have a crazy week ahead 2 exams and a paper to deal with, still getting up early, eating well, and deciding about my weight watchers membership. To top it all off, grocery stores were closed today (easter) so I have no produce and little healthy snacks fro tomorrow. I have to run to the grocery store tomorrow after school and work at which point I will be exhausted and hungry wish me luck! Ahhhhhhh.

PS I am still getting up on the earlier side of things. 6:30 this morning but 6 most of the week it seems. I am really enjoying getting homework done in the morning and getting it out of the way.

Yesterday's food was awesome until dinner, mcdonalds. I dont even know why, it wasnt even that good. I was just really hungry and tired I didnt want to go to the grocery store. Oh well I am moving on today and trying to make soem bettter choices.

Ok off to read a few blogs and then maybe get a little reading done.

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been the model weight watcher lately. I a barely making it to any meetings and my weight is crappy. Its killing me to pay soo much money and to not be doing the program. As a conveinent change in events, my ww account was unpaid this month due to me losing my debit card and not switching out the number online ooops. It seems like a good time to take a little break right?

I am thinking of taking maybe a month off to see how I can do on my own. I am not 100% decided. Ahh decisions. I am so swamped by life right now. Ahh I dont want to backslide or give up, I know that I need to do this!

I am up, it is 6am, it was 6:30 yesterday. The weekend was basically a bust, I slept in, ate poorly, and did no homework what so ever. My exam is today so hopefully some stress will disappear around 11 when it is done. It is an essay/ short written answer exam, I just hope I dont go blank!

Ok I am off to get in a little more studying done, oh yeah and coffee.

He is a pretty smart guy.

My husband said something to me the other day when I said I was thinking about quitting weight watchers that made me really think. Keep in mind he said this in a supportive way, not in a I dont want you to be fat kind of way. ; )

He said " if you stop then you will just put back on teh weight that you lost and then some. Then you will just have to go back to weight watchers with more weight that you want to lose." He also told me that it is better to spend the money even if it isnt going perfectly well because at least it is moving in the right direction. Who knew he paid that much attention.

I gained 1.6 this week, I'm not shocked. Yesterday was truly a I don't give s Sh*t kind of day. I ate out twice and had a donut for breakfast. I followed up lunch with a bunch of reeses mini eggs and also had 2 margaritas with dinner.

I am bloated and feeling pretty yucky today. I went and weighed in anyways, I was able to weigh in but my meeting was canceled so I was unable to have that encouragement. Unfortunitly I will be out of town next week too so no meeting or weigh in then too.

Speaking of going out of town I am trying to be ready for that. The hardest part is the 3.5 hours of driving to get there, we have to stop for atleast one meal. Then it is eating at someone elses house with someone elses foods. We are talking white bread and pizza. His mom wil probably mkae a cake and cookies to boot. there is also Easter dinner. Oh my. I think I am going to focus on eating what is really special once a year type foods in small portions.

They also live in the country so maybe I can get in some walking in the morning. The on ly down fall is that they dont have a shower, yeah, no shower. Just a tub with barely warm water. SO I dont want to work up a sweat each day and have to take full on baths. I know what you are thinking how do people live with out a shower!?! I don't get it!

So to top it all off I have a major exam this week. I have to also think about the fact that since I wil be gone all weekend and working extra hours this week that I need to do work for the following week too. Next week I have 2 exams and a paper due. Wow, I am going to be a busy busy girl this week. Oh yeah and I have to babysit today!

Sometimes I wonder how I get it all done. Other times I wonder if I put far too much on my plate. I think that the madness that is my life gets in the way of my weigh loss and it kills me. I know that everyone is busy and there is nothing really special about my challenges but geeez I just want to take a break from life sometimes. SO my goals for the next week is to focus on each day not the whole week, get up early, and to use my time wisely.

I will weigh in in two weeks, two very challenging weeks. I will see a loss, even if it is 2 pounds. I will have two healthy weeks and that is what matters.

up

I am up at 6:30 this morning and I have to say today was a bit of a struggle. I feel pretty exhausted and still congested but I am up. I definitely almost threw in the towel this morning in favor of some more sleep but I got up instead. I knew that there was a lot that I wanted to get done this morning.

So there it is I am up early on this dreary Thursday getting ready to start my day and get some serious work done. I wish you all a very full and successful day!

Oh my I may have just sent the husband off to pick up chillis to go including a bacon cheeseburger for me. Oops not the best of choices but I am sick and I wanted comfort food. I plan to eat until satisfied not til full. Sometimes you just gotta have a burger.

I feel good knowing that I am getting a better quality burger than if I went to mcdonalds and I will just enjoy it soo much more. I also plan to hop on the old treadmill while watching America's top model (talk about motivation) and I am thinking the exercise may just help get rid of some of this congestion I am feeling.

I know that a cheeseburger isnt hte answer to my feeling sick but hey I am not labeling food as good or bad anymore. I am not going to obsess and just enjoy my food instead.

I got up early this morning but then promptly went back to bed because my head was so congested that I should stay home today. I do have to say that getting up early has become much easier, however I think that the week end will be the true challenge.

Something that I have notice this week with getting up early is that I am eating a bit better. I am able to plan and pack my lunch for the day instead of the usual just grab a couple things and hope it equals lunch and snacks. I think that it will help me sleep too however last night was terrible due to my cold/allergies(?) .

My husband is also home today sick so we are a sad house today. It is almost noon and he is still sleeping! Which is kind of nice since I like to be alone when I am sick. I hate having to worry about someone else when I am trying to feel better myself. I know that probably sounds selfish but waiting on someone else is not how I heal!

So I am off to drink some diet coke umm I mean oj and watch some daytime tv/movies.