Please understand that I never went to bed hungry or opened an empty cupboard. It was simply a situation that all the special things like cookies would disappear the second they were opened and getting seconds at dinner was an eating race.
When ever my husband and I eat pizza its like being at home all over again. I know that I don't need to eat half the pizza but I feel like if I don't then I wont get my fair share. What an awful feeling. I'm not going to lie I feel this way when I serve food at dinner I make sure that our food is equal even though I end up giving him half of what I take.
Also my husband knows that when I say don't eat that it's mine that I am not kidding. Sometimes I think that its the same situation as it was at home because he will sit down with a box or bag of anything and just eat the whole thing. It drives me crazy to the point that I always say to him "Don't eat all of it" and he says I won't.
I feel awful that I have such a possessive feeling towards food. It makes me mad at myself. NOt to mention that when I am on a specific diet it is even worse because I have to have the certain foods available for my lunches etc. I can't just go to the drive thru.
I really wish I could just let go of all my food issues but I'm not sure if I ever will. My hope is that by blogging or saying it out loud I will be able to be more conscious of my feelings/actions.
Just another way my family screwed me up ...could be worse, trust me I know.